homeHey fly people, how you doing? Good? Good. GREAT! You want to know how I'm doing? Not so great. You want to know why? It's my bestie's birthday today and because of you I'm not gearing up to fly to upstate New York to be with her on her day and go get smashed on a party bus and a winery with her. Doesn't that sound like a freaking blast? Yeah, I wouldn't know because I wont be be present.
She's turning 24 today, you know. I'm supposed to be there, that's what besties do, but I can't because your charming $425 price tag for a flight, that isn't even straight through, is just out of control. You know that's before taxes and all of your adorable extra fees too, right? So cute, really.
I expect you to, at the very least, send Erin a nice wine and cheese basket as an apology. It'd also be nice if you threw in a
I hope you choke on a stale bag of pretzels and your bag gets lost on your next layover.
XOXO,
Whit
Erin/Bestie/Twin Sister/Partner in Crime,
I love you more than all of the Miller Lite, Fireball, Chardonnay, and Bagel Bites in the universe. I hope you have the bestest 24th birthday in all of the 24th birthdays, even if I'm not there.
Ok, who am I kidding? It wont be the bestest because I wont be there. We both know this, but it's ok because I wrote a mean letter to the devilish airlines that wouldn't let us be together today and I'm pretty sure it's going to hit real deep.
Either way, I hope you eat as many cans of BBQ Pringles that you can fit in that little bird stomach of yours and not one little ounce of bread all day... though you may want to consider a little to soak up all of that wine I'm expecting you to guzzle down.
Also, you're going to have to step your game up and drink extra for me, it'll make my heart happy. You know I'll be tipping a few back in your honor... and maybe I did a little bit of that already last night.
HAPPY FREAKING BIRTHDAY!!
Love,
Whit
PS. Don't leave your wallet anywhere, I wont be able to go retrieve it for you this time.
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