Spice Girls Life Lessons

Today I really want to talk about the Spice Girls.
Or, really, the purpose of my existence for much of the 90's.
Basically, I was Baby Spice. Not you, ever.

Bulletin board covered in their Teen Bop clippings? You betcha.
Shelfs upon shelfs full of their collectable dolls, lollipops (I'm looking at you, Chumpa Chumps.), CD covers, and anything else the stores sold with their faces on it.

All of the collectables have since disappeared from my life but you want to know what hasn't? The brilliant life lessons that those girls of spice bestowed on me. I mean, they had some seriously deep lyrics and I'm here today to share those lessons with you.
You are so welcome, in advance.

Spice Girls Life Lessons

Somewhere around '96, in the song Wanna Be, they taught me that if someone wants to get with me, they have to get with my friends.
This explains so much. Mostly that relationship I was in later in my life that resulted in being cheated on with about 4 other girls. I don't know that I'd call them my friends, but he sure did get with them.
Maybe Zigazig ahhh is really a frustrated phrase. I'm going to try yelling that during the next argument I'm in and see what happens. Stay tuned.

"No, mother Zigazig ahhh, you listen to me!"

I have no confirmation of this but there's a strong part of me that thinks I actually got my "birds and the bees" talk through a Spice Girls song or three. Let's talk about 2 Become 1 for a minute and how this song is pretty much baby making music sang by 5 females.
I mean, boys and girls feel good together... Um, 1. I have a few gay friends who would most likely disagree with this lyric and 2. why the hell was I allowed to listen to this?

And then we have the song Naked which probably explains why the blinds to my 1st floor apartment stay closed all of the time. I was obviously convinced at a young age that being naked is a good time. Though I'm not so sure about this lyric, don't be afraid to stare she is only naked. With all due respect, Spice Gals, staring is rude. And a bit creepy.

Personally, something I still live by every day comes from the song Spice Up Your Life in which they urge me to slam it to the left if I'm having a good time. I think I've been slamming it to the left since the 90's which could also be the reason for my curved spine. Genetics, shmetics, I'm blaming the Spices for it.

If slamming it to the left wasn't motivation enough, my other favorite lyric goes to the song Never Give Up On The Good Times which I'm 99.9% sure is the song that molded my future. Never give up on the good times, living it up is a state of mind. Hell to the yes, Spice Girls. Forget YOLO, that's my motto and I'm sticking to it.

I feel like I've avoided a lot of awkward situations in my life thanks to the song Stop, mostly because I was always instructed to look for someone with the human touch... You know, as opposed to the extraterrestrial touch, or anything of that nature. So far, so good, Spices. 

Probably the most comical song of all is Mama. I like to think this one was thrown in there to make sure all of us snot nosed tweens were being nice to our mamas. My mama is still my best friend, so I suppose this subliminal message worked after all.

Lastly, the Spice Girls taught me the most fabulous way possible to break up with someone in their song Who Do You Think You Are? I mean, why say "get lost!" when you can say "swing it, shake it, move it, make it, who do you think you are?"? If he is no super star, you just gotta tell him to swing it, shake it, right out of your life and that's okay.

I know, I know, so much wisdom in one post. I told you that you'd be thanking me.
Have a spicy day, I'm out! Bye bye bye.
Oops, wrong band, but now I know what the next edition of this post will be...