Love Always, Your Future Partner in Crime

I'm not really sure I'll ever actually get married after my whole engagement debacle at the ripe age of 23, but who knows? I'm young and I like to think I've got a lot of life left in me to live. Well, all of me minus my liver. I'm not so sure that guy is planning to stick around but I'm sure crazier things have happened. Stay tuned on that one.

Even if marriage doesn't happen for this girl, I know I'll at least have some type of man friend. If not for anything other than opening a fresh jar of pickles for me and taking the garbage out. And maybe the occasional date to the fancy parties I'm bound to be invited to in my later life. Or something.

Anyways, today I'm writing a letter to my future man friend/husband. Read at your own risk.



Dear Future Man Friend slash Husband slash Pickle Jar Opener,

I will never refer to you as "hubby", "hubs", or other rendition of the word "husband". I just wont, it isn't my style. Instead you can expect to be called things like "boofren", "homeslice", "pooks", "assface" and many others that really have no relevancy to your actual name, whatever it may be. Feel free to pass on your own ridiculous nicknames to me, I'm a big fan of them. You'll learn that quickly, though.

If your name is Nick just go ahead and change it now. I've dated 3 and, well, let's just say that even the third time was not a charm. I hope your middle name will suffice because that's all you'll be getting out of me. If your name is not Nick, go ahead and disregard this portion of the letter.

Moving on, sometimes I'm really bad about things like hanging up my towel after I shower, or bringing my wine glass to the sink before I go to bed. I can apologize a trillion times for this but there's a good chance it'll never change. There's also a good chance there will always be an empty wine glass or two on my nightstand. Also something you'll learn quickly... and maybe even partake in. I'd be very okay with that.

On Sunday's I really like going out to brunch and drinking my weight in cheap champagne mixed with some type of fruit juice. Sometimes I prefer to only do this with my girlfriends. If this is an issue, well, we just aren't going to work. Just remember, I'll always come home to you. And it's likely I'll be nice and tipsy, which wouldn't be such a bad thing for you. If you catch my drift...

I come up with a lot of new business venture ideas on the regular and I know they all might not be the million dollar ideas that I present them as but I just need you to be supportive. Like when you try to convince me that watching NFL isn't so bad, I'll support it but you need to know that college football is simply the best. And by college football being simply the best, I mean Florida State football is simply the greatest of all time.

Sometimes I'm loud. Very loud. I laugh loud, I talk loud, I dance loud (if that's such a thing) and I will probably embarrass you regularly. It's not on purpose, it's just the nature of the beast beauty. You'll have to understand this and try not to tell me to be quiet because all that will do is piss me off and make me get louder, and not in a good way. I like to think you'll learn to embrace this part of me, or hopefully you can just be my loud counter part. That'd be okay with me, too.

Lastly, I just want you to know that my heart is bigger than my brain and when I fall, I fall hard. I'll always put you first, even when I shouldn't, and I'll always be your partner in crime. I'll always have your back and I'll never go a day without telling you how much I love you, as long as you praise me and tell me how great I look.

Can't wait to meet you! And if we already know each other, well, I can't wait to have my mind blown. *poof*

Love Always,

Your Future Partner in Crime