The Dangers Of Running

Can we talk about how dangerous working out is for a second?

Saturday morning I woke up feeling more bright eyed than I'm used to feeling on a Saturday morning. As I was laying in bed, scrolling my Instagram feed, I came to find about 14 different posts pertaining to a Saturday morning workout. "Who are these people? Do they not go out on Friday's?", I thought to myself as I continued scrolling past endless Polar FT4 photos and sweaty glistening, tomato red faces. Somewhere around the 15th photo I decided I needed to get my beer filled bum out of bed and lace up for a Saturday run. Yes, you read that correct. I turned in my bathing suit for running shoes on Saturday.


Here's where the dangerous part comes in.

1. Temptation. As I was running, some asshole walked by me with a bag full of fresh McDonald's fries in his hands. How do I know there were fresh fries in that white, red, and yellow bag? Because the aroma creeped in my nostrils faster than I can throw back a Fireball shot. Seriously though, what the hell are the odds of that happening? It took everything in me not to take my run straight to McD's and grab myself some fries, sweet and sour dipping sauce, and a ginormous fountain Dr. Pepper. AKA my favorite hangover remedy. I didn't do it though. I kept on running in circles around that damn lake until I finished my stupid C25K day 2 run. It sucked.

2. DUCKS. There's an abundance of ducks around the damn lake and they're more feisty than a female with raging PMS and no chocolate in sight. Oh, and since spring just past, they're even more feisty because they're all up in your grill, in attempt to protect their fuzzy, little offsprings. I kid you not, I had one duck who saw me jogging my way towards him and he would. not. move. I was pretty sure he was going to take a bite out of my ankle. Terrifying.

3. Creepers. Seeing as how the lake isn't that large, I run around it quite a few times before the 30 minutes with that devil app is up. Saturday there was a man in a bright yellow shirt, with coordinating bright yellow shoes, who would smile and/or say hello to me every. single. time I ran past him. Keep in mind, I have headphones in and am avoiding eye contact at all costs. You know, mostly because I am dying from running in this heat, while sweating out the beers I drank the night prior. Be gone, yellow man. Be gone.

4. #beersweat. It's serious stuff and it burns my eyeballs. True story, I'm one sweaty mofo. Sexy, I know. So, when I go for a run, especially in the Florida heat, I end up absolutely drenched by the end. Which, if I'm being honest, I kind of like because it makes me feel like I did the damn thing. Well, I like it until it gets in my eyeballs and feels like I just opened my eyeballs underwater in the ocean. And don't tell me to get a sweatband... I just can not. I instantly relate those to Richard Simmons and I'm just not ready for the Jazzercise look yet.

5. Pain. Lastly, I broke myself. No clue what I did, though I'm thinking it has something to do with my flat feet and lack of arch support in my new unicorn puke shoes, but your girl has got some seriously sharp pains in her right foot and I've spent the last 2 days walking like a complete gimp. Which made playing darts on Saturday night pretty difficult seeing as I stand with all of my weight on my right foot to throw. I'm hoping another day or two of icing, plus installing some heavy duty arch supports in my unicorn puker's, will avoid this from happening again but, damn, this is painful.


So yeah, working out is really dangerous and if I didn't love Miller Lite and Bagel Bites so much, I probably would give up trying to make running happen. Be careful out there, people.

I'm outta here.

Does this count as linking up, Sami?