homeWell hello there yoga pants goers. I'm Erin. Aka Whitsticle's blog land besticle. Aka the girl that has been mentioned more times on this blog than the Royal Baby was mentioned on the Twittersphere these past couple weeks. I'm not trying to brag, it's just the honest truth.
That Whitney Ellen girl seems to love me a lot for some unknown reason. If I were you I'd boycott her just for talking about me so much. No, no don't do that. At least not on her birthday. But anyway, if you've somehow missed all the posts that do all this mentioning of me, well then I look like this:
Or at least that's what I look like all dressed up and ready to get my green beer drink on for St. Patrick's Day. Holidays are my shit. (This has nothing to do with this post)
But I'm not here to talk about my boring old self today. I'm just here because it's the day after Whitney's birthday and she's going to be absolutely no use to the world today. Think something along the lines of this pretty peach of a unicorn pony and you'll get what she probably woke up looking like this morning:
I pick my best friends well. That's also something you should know about me. I mean this girl captured my heart the minute I laid eyes on her blog. She didn't know it for quite awhile but that's besides the point. The point is that I'm a stalker that she pretty much blows me away with just about everything she does. Besides cheating on me with Miley Cyrus. I'll let that slide though since it's her birthday the day after her birthday.
There's one other thing she blows donkey balls at though and that's coming up with birthday wish lists. The girl gave me absolutely nothing to work with when she wrote a post answering my question about what she wanted. So I of course decided it was necessary to write a rebuttal explaining to her why all of her wishes are impossible to deliver unless you are Robin Williams stuck in a gold lamp.
So let's get down to business and see why none of her birthday wishes are coming true, shall we? Her seven heart's desires are in bold. My reasoning behind her being slightly insane for having such desires follows directly after.
1. A unicorn. I mean really Whit? You have to go and start off your wish list with a mythical creature? First I can't get to Florida and then I can't get you your number one birthday pick. Let me just go off myself right here and now. Wait no, then you'd cry. And even though that stupid song says you're allowed to cry on your birthday if you want to I'd rather forgo that. So let me just go hop into a Harry Potter movie real quick and stay there forever snatch one out of the Enchanted Forest for ya. Let's just find one that's not dying a painful death in front of Hagrid.
2. A winning lottery ticket. Aka the second of seven wishes that is impossible to succeed in granting you. I'm an epic failure at this I'm a genie in a bottle baby thing. But I have to admit that even though I love you to Pluto (it's farther than the moon) and back, if I ever came across a winning lottery ticket I'd cash that straight into my bank account and not yours. Of course I'd share and buy us all the beers and bagel bites imaginable, but still, that shit would be all mine and I'm not the least bit sorry about it.
3. Luke Bryan or John Mayer. Okay this one I'd let you have since I don't really find either of these two brosifs attractive. Apparently everyone wants to grab Lukey's ass after he shakes it for them and John Mayer is dreamy because he's a manwhore. I just don't see it, though. Give me Brad Pitt back in the days of Oceans 12 (not 11 or 13, just 12 because his hair is buzzed) and I'll claw you all the way to a jail cell for him. Hot damn, man. But anyway, let me go text Katy Perry and see what the dealio is with her and Wonderland man and I'll get back to you. As for the Lukester, I for some reason think he might even be married with children? Told you I could care less. Cue the mob of crazed out country lovers attacking me for that statement right about.......now.
4. Unlimited flights to NYC. Stupid, stupid, stupid airplanes and their sky high (pun intended) prices. I am actually currently working on this whole "find and marry a pilot" gig so that I can accomplish this wish. But until then I'm going to have to just throw my couch into the mix for whenever you decide to come live here and say "come crash on it forever and ever so you won't ever need to fly back and forth".
5. A lifetime supply of Miller Lite. You and me both sister. I'm also currently working on rigging my kitchen sink to spit out a spew of that liquid gold instead of water. I'm also currently failing at this plan rather miserably, as you could imagine. Plumbing isn't so much my strong point, drinking Miller Lite is. Guess we'll just have to stick to buying the bar completely out of said beer. (Not that we've ever done that or anything). Cheers betch!
6. No more hangovers. Welp, there Whitney's brain goes dreaming up some impossible nonsense again. At least in the U, S of A that is. Once I marry that pilot I'll fly us to Europe so we can stock up on their hangover be gone pills. Why again are those illegal here? Cigarettes are free reign and slowly kill you but the bye bye hangover pills that do the opposite of kill you by nursing your body back to normalcy aren't? Way to go America, way to go. First Europe gets the Spice Girls and now a hangover cure? We truly are failing as a nation.
7. Everyone in all of blog land to linkup for #backthatazzup. Now this one we can actually do, guys. We might not get everyone in ALL of blog land to jump on the azz backing train but we can at least try, right? Right. So get your jams ready to go, convince all your friends to do the same, and let's have one heck of a party while Whitney is having her own party without all of us.
It's #backthatazzup Friday!
The purpose: To start our weekend with some fantastic jams.
The station that inspired it: "Back That Azz Up" on Pandora Radio.
The rules: Link your jams up and have a jam sesh with all of us!
Happy Friday!
Grab a button, pick your jam, link up and let's get this weekend started off on the right foot!
Grab a button, pick your jam, link up and let's get this weekend started off on the right foot!
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