homeThree words that are likely to resonate if you're a Sex and the City lover, like yours truly. If you're not, which I can't fathom why you wouldn't be (Hello, best show ever in life.), allow me to give you a brief overview of this single girl behavior I speak of. You know those things you really enjoy doing alone, in the privacy of your own four walls that you'd most likely never allow anyone to join in on? Yeah, that's your single girl behavior, or SGB, right there.
My SGB habits are pretty standard, I think. Let's take a loosky, shall we? Oh, and feel free to shame me. This is very much like dog shaming, but in human form.
Painting my toenails.
This is a task that takes skill and I don't care if you're Jenny Gymnast, it's still pretty freaking difficult. I mean, the positions a female is required to twist herself into in order to paint her toenails without looking like a toddler did them takes skill. If you're in a dress or skirt? Forgettaboutit. There is absolutely no ladylike way to go about painting your own toenails. You just have to go ahead, get out that Kama Sutra, and find yourself a few positions that'll get you eye-to-toe and get your polish on.
Browsing social media while watching reality TV.
As if watching the Kardashians and every single Real Housewives series isn't bad enough, I like to bust out my phone and browse all forms of social media until my phone is too dead to browse anymore. Then I've gotta get my lazy butt off the sofa, walk to my bedroom to get my phone charger, plug that sucker in, wash, rinse, repeat. You know if I'm live and wired on the Twits, I'm working with some serious SGB.
Bagel Biting in bed.
There's nothing I love more than waking up on a Saturday morning/afternoonish, popping those 9 circles of bagel-pizza heaven into my oven, and then feasting on them in bed while snuggling with the pups and watching some movie playing on TV that I've most likely seen eleventy hundred times. I mean, that's seriously blissful. And don't you dare try to join in and rain on my parade because no one is invited to the Bagel Bite in bed party.
Mixing mac and cheese in the bowl.
While we're on the topic of food, let's chat about mac and cheese. I make it a meal from time to time, it's a classic ballin' on a budget meal for me. It's delicious, it's fattening, it's comforting. You get the point. Anyways, aside from the main fact that I consider that blue box to be a full meal, my SGB comes out in full force when I attempt to avoid doing extra dishes by just throwing that freshly strained pasta in my bowl, on top of some milk, powdery cheese substance, and butter, shove my fork in it, swirl it around, call it a day. Ain't nobody got time for getting that pot all cheesy, which would require immediate dish cleaning activity.
Pretending I'm still a dancer.
You haven't seen a true performance until you've seen me attempt pirouettes and second turns, in socks, on my faux wood floor. Sometimes, just for kicks (no pun in tended), I'll throw on my junior year solo song and bust out the entire dance. Performance face and all. I like to the think the dogs are the judges and they are talking in their little tape recorders, telling me how awesome that leap would have been if it wasn't for the wall I almost leaped into.
And because I know you're all wondering what said song is, let's really set the mood:
You know I just had to...
Selfies for days.
Oh, selfies. I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself for really falling into the selfie trap but I fell harder than a teenager falls for their first love and it shines through when I'm alone in my apartment. Especially when I'm all done up and ready for a night out, having a little pre-game glass of Chardonnay. Thank god for Snapchat for making selfies a little less shameful. Or maybe not.
Watching the same movie two days in a row.
Nothing says "economize" quite like getting the most bang for your buck when you rent a movie. Why only watch that sucker twice when you can watch it repeatedly and really squeeze that dollar you shelled out at RedBox for everything it's worth. Except you used one of the coupon codes you Googled prior to renting said movie and so now you're just being a repeat offender for no reason. It's fine, it's just a really awesome movie, ok?
Napping on clean laundry.
I really, really, really loathe folding laundry and, lezbihonest, trucking that shit from the closet, to the washer, and then to the dryer is just exhausting. By the time it's time to fold, homegirl needs a little snoozer. They're just so warm and all clean-like smelling when they come out of the dryer, how can you not take a little napski on them? I mean, the dogs do it, I can too.
And there you have it, some of my SGB revealed.
Freak flag has been flown. Again.
Toodles.
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