Whitney's What the? Wednesday

Here I am again, back in the center, stressing about the time of day I'm posting at. Then I remembered what my boo Jesse McCartney once told me when we were having a personal conversation. He said, "don't stress. don't stress. don't stress. just tell him to the left left left.", and I just thought about it, took a breather, and here I am.

Let's chat about some celebrity gossip, shall we?

Rapper Lil Wayne just got out of ICU from his overdose on my new favorite word, Sizzurp. (Seriously, what a great word. I've been trying to use it in every day jargon.) Thanks to TMZ I spent way too long stressing over this overdose on Saturday night because they reported that he was being read his last rights and that he was on life support and all of these horrible things which all turned out to be a big, fat, Kim Kardashian ass sized lie. Can I get an amen?

I'm thinking rehab with LiLo is Weezy F Baby's next stop but what do I know? I imagine getting this one off the sizzurp is going to be about as difficult as it was to find a photo of him that wasn't going to scare people off of my blog. He's like a blog scarecrow. Wait, what?

Speaking of LiLo, homegirl got glitter bombed on her way to court the other day. (Anyone else positive the bomber was Ke$ha?) Of course she was like 30 minutes late, sporting her favorite zero-shits-given outfit, and managed to dodge yet another jail sentence. And by dodge a jail sentence I mean that she agreed to some more rehab, a little dash of psychotherapy, a touch of garbage picking up, and a tiny little slap on the hand.

I bet she still has glitter in her hair.

It looks like another Hollywood couple bit the dust this week. Katy Perry and John Mayer have reportedly broken up. Again. Ho hum. I'm actually surprised that Johnny boy was able to keep it in his pants for her this long, she should get a medal or something because I think this has been a record for him.

I'm not really too sad about this break up. One, because Katy Perry is a totally dime and I'm sure she's got a million of dudes dying to motorboat her and two, Johnny Babe can come sing me a lullaby now.

This isn't really news, or shocking, but another Teen Mom star is up to no good. Farrah Abraham almost hit a cop car while she was drinking and driving, and she blew a whopping .147 which is almost double the limit. Oops. The best part of the story is that she had to go be all dramatic on Twitter, trying to insinuate that the story is a lie.

You know, because the breathalyzers cops use typically aren't accurate at all. Or always.

You know what's cool about being a famous athlete? You can cheat on your smoking hot wife with multiple strippers and bartenders, go through a uber public divorce, and still manage to find yourself a girlfriend. That's right, someone is dumb enough to date Tiger Woods and she's also an athlete. I'm not really sure where this chick's brain is but she lost it somewhere and she needs to go find it before Lil Wayne scoops it up and makes some Sizzurp out of it.

How long until Tiger's wood can't stay in his pants anymore?