Humble Pie

I never know how to start posts when I have something weighing on me that I want to put into writing. It's funny, my friends who aren't familiar with blogging have little to no idea that there's actually a community of people who also do this stuff and it's not just my blog thingy. So, when something from this community has a personal effect on me, it's really hard to explain to anyone who doesn't blog. Mostly because I have a complex and believe that I probably sound ridiculous when I mention that I'm emotionally effected by something that's happened to someone I've never actually crossed paths with in real life.

That's where I am today though. I'm feeling emotionally effected by some things I've seen floating around the blogosphere and the reason it's effecting me is because I can directly relate these emotions to my past experiences. More specifically, middle school and high school. Yesterday I, admittedly, shed literal tears at the expense of some posts that had me directly revisiting these old, dusty emotions I haven't seen in (thankfully) a really long time.

Now, I know I'm not the only person who was ever bullied or ignored in grade school. I mean, a strong part of me believes that a lot of us here in the blogging community were, because that's how I got to grow fond of writing. Even if, at the time, it was Live Journal I was writing to, it was the same concept. I'd get home from school feeling so small and insignificant, I'd open my laptop and that's where a good majority of my friends resided. It was my happy place, they were the only ones excited to hear about my day, and even if now I am no longer forced to deal with the pain of being ignored in such a way, I still feel this is a happy place for me.

So, what would I do if I realized that a large group from this happy place would turn their backs on me and make me feel those horrible small and insignificant feelings if I were to ever cross paths with them in public? Well, in short, I'd be mortified. And hurt. Most of all, completely and entirely heartbroken. Hell, none of this even happened directly to me and I'm mortified, hurt, and completely heartbroken, because yesterday I was mentally forced back in the cafeteria of my high school. Yesterday I was desperately searching for a pair of eyes to meet mine, inviting me to sit down and eat my lunch in a seat, as opposed to a bench alone in front of the school which I was inevitably forced to. 

Am I saying that I am an angel and have never personally been a mean girl? Absolutely not. When you are treated the way so many of us were in grade school, it's almost inevitable that we will have a streak of evil that runs through us from time to time because our defenses were forced to stay up and strong for so long through all of that pain. Does it make me proud? Not even close. If I could erase every negative and/or judgmental thought that has ever run through my mind I would do it in an instant, but I can't. All I can do is realize that I am nobody because that's just what I am. I am a nobody who has zero business being nasty to anyone, just as those other mean girls never had any business being nasty to me.

I am a firm believer that everyone has something to give and if we count out people just based on what they wear, what color or shape they are, where they live, or any other damn thing that isn't similar to what we have going on, it's going to be a very lonely life. At the end of the day, the most loyal people I have found in my life are the ones who teach me things. They teach me to grow, they teach me to expand my horizons, most of all they teach me to be a better person.

I guess what I'm trying to get at here today is that, we shouldn't be the person who follows behind the mean girl who never got over the grade school nonsense, because at the end of the day she is no better than that mean girl who forced you sit alone. 

Humble pie is a calorie-free dessert that tastes more delicious than any amount of sugar could possibly taste. No one ever got criticized for staying true to their heart and having sympathy and humility for others and I think maybe sometimes we need to stand back and realize that.

This is starting to get long so I'm going to leave on one last note, a quote from H. Jackson Brown Jr.

“Every person that you meet knows something you don't; learn from them.”

That's all I've got. Go be nice to people, please.
Spay and neuter your pets. 
I'm out.