Mary Poppins is a damn lush.

Last night I took my mom, Boskita, on a little dateski which was her Christmas present from me. I got her tickets to see the Mary Poppins touring broadway show and it sucked big time. Luckily, Boskita is never one to pass up a date night with me and also luckily she is always a party.

Say hi, Boskita.

So, we arrive at the classy little venue to see this show and immediately hit the bar. Boskita orders us 2 double Chardonnays... alright then, keep on keeping on, mom. Once we make our way to the seats my mom then proceeds to loudly inform me that there were, in fact, two nuns sitting next to her. Alright then, this could be interesting considering our beverage choices and really just the people we are, in general.

I already knew this show wasn't going to be up my alley, 1. because the movie Mary Poppins doesn't interest me even slightly and 2. the movie Mary Poppins doesn't interest me even slightly. So, I was really in it for the quality time with my sweet Boskita.

About 4 minutes after the show was supposed to start Boskita says to me, "I'm gonna run out of wine before intermission, they better start this shit soon.". So, now you see where I get it from.

I may, or may not, have started passing out somewhere along the first act until I heard a song that sounded familiar, Spoonful of Sugar or some shit and so I wake back up to watch this part. Flashbacks of the cheesy, tacky little kid dances from competition 10 years ago start coming to me. Cringe. Anyways, I continue to watch and listen to what's going on.

Turns out, Mary Poppins is a damn lush, just like Boskita and I!

That bitch was the life of the party, shoving shots down people's throats with chasers of sugar. Brilliant! That sneaky little minx, maybe she wasn't so bad after all. And then she starts talking to a random ass dog... Holy shit, this woman is drunk off her ass. M.Popizzle had all of the boys coming to her yard bar for her milkshakes magic sugar shots and just like that, my mind was blown.

via

Unfortunately the rest of the show sucked massive footballs but it's good to know someone at Disney certainly has a sense of humor. Also, I have a new idea for chasing shots and so overall maybe it was a successful evening after all.