Life lessons from 90's rap music.

Oh, hello there. It seems I not only called in sick to work yesterday but also to blog. My bad, I hope we can still be friends. I have a good explanation, I promise.

You see, somewhere along the lines of Friday afternoon, during a Gchat conversation between Kate and myself, we stumbled upon a new Pandora station by the name of Back That Azz Up. It is exactly what it sounds like. Straight up 90's-2000's rap music and it was everything I needed to finish out the work day and start my weekend long party. I highly suggest this station for any pre game scenario. Maybe just not in the work place, especially if you have close neighbors.

While I'd love to share my weekend with you, I have something else I want to share and that's the great life lessons that I learned from this genre of music. Deep. Stuff.

Sir Mix-A-Lot taught me that if you want to get in a guy's Benz, you can't be an average groupie. As long as you're dancing, there's no need for romancing, so use him. It's ok as long as you've got an itty bitty waist and you put that big round thing in his face.

Speaking of big round things, Sisqo taught me that no guy can handle it if your dumps are like a truck. Personally, that seems awfully foul but let's just roll with it. It was the 90's and clearly having thighs like what, what, what isn't such a bad thing. I know I feel much better about my thighs now.

One of the most empowering lessons I've learned from my trip down memory lane is from the class act known as Missy Elliot. Misdemeanor has taught me that sometimes you just have to put your thing down, flip it, and reverse it. There's no shame in that because it's your fremenifaflem yet. Wait, wait?

50 Cent enlightened me that if you, in fact, have a magical stick you can hit things once and maybe even twice. This would really come in handy when someone is just down right pissing me off. Now, I just have to go invest in a magical stick. Perhaps a trip to Harry Potter land at Universal is in order, I hear they have magical sticks.

Lil' Troy taught me that if I want to be a baller or a shot caller I have got to have an Imapla. Personally, I'm more of a SUV lady and so I guess I can't be a baller. You can imagine my disappointment with this one.

Lil Kim taught me a whole bunch of things but they are far too graphic for this blog. Or really my life, in general.

Moving on, Jay Z let me know that I could get a what what from some chickens and some doves. I mean, I love me some Chicken Minis so I'm guessing that's why this one is relatable for me. 

Genuine taught me that my mom should have never let me listen to this music for all of those years. Really though, baby making music at age 12. I mean, his saddle was waiting for someone to jump on it and I really don't think he's a singing horse. So... Yeah. This explains so much.