The Weekend My Death Was Plotted

Oh, Monday. There you are, you sneaky devil. I'm going to try avoiding talking shit about you because I already avoided a massive crisis this morning and I like to think that's the worst thing that'll happen for the rest of the day. I'd also like to think that was the worst thing that'll happen for the rest of the week because, let's just say, I was pretty convinced I was about to be out a job before 9am this morning. Yeah, fun shit. Hashtag sarcasm.

Anyways, I think now is the point of my day where I'm supposed to come talk about my weekend on the webz of the inter. So, let's do that. Except first I just have to show you all this baby picture of bear and I from 2005 because I just die every single time I look at it. And if you follow me on Instagrammy, sorry you're seeing this again. But, lezbihonest, it's so friggen cute, who really minds seeing it again?

Tiniest little babes ever.

So, Friday night I had a, seemingly, delicious dinner at the sushi restaurant by my apartment. I ordered your regular old, safe bet, nothing crazy, Mexican shrimp tempura roll - add cream cheese. It was delicious. So delicious, in fact, I got the pleasure of tasting said sushi twice. Because someone at that sushi restaurant was clearly plotting my death and poisoned the shit out of me, causing me to spend my entire Saturday hugging the living daylights out of my potty. So, here's your big shout out Rangetsu (in Maitland, Florida). You're a bunch of ass holes and I hope no one ever eats your stupid sushi again. Thanks a ton for the food poisoning. Sincerely, I should have barfed on your front door. 

My Saturday night.

PS. Shout out to bear for being the best boyfriend of life and rubbing my back for a solid hour, while bringing me water and taking the greatest care of my ever. Gotta say, having a boyfriend who actually takes care of you when you're sick is pretty damn nice. Hashtag I know I'm being mushy and gross right now. Hashtag not really sorry. 

Sunday we watched football pretty much all day long and it was just glorious. Also, I think I'm finally going to win a week of Fantasy Football, which is much needed considering I'm not only in 10th place, I also haven't won a week since the first effing week. What in the actual eff you see kay? Also, the sunset yesterday was so magical, I was just waiting for a unicorn to fly by. 

And just one more of me and this beardy bear because he just makes me the happiest little unicorn on the face of Jupiter and Earth. Wait, what? Just roll with it. 

That's all I got for you today, Monday. Be good to me. Please and spanks right on the azz. 

See ya on the flip side.