A post inspired by a hangnail.

This morning I had a fight with a hangnail.

25 years on this small planet and I've yet to learn that battling a hangnail is one of those fights I will never win. 

So I got to thinking, what else have I refused to learn in 25 years?

Yes, this is a post inspired by a hangnail.

(complete with GIFs because who doesn't love a good GIF?)

25 years on this planet and I still haven't learned that pulling a hangnail is always a painful, horrible idea.

25 years on this planet and I still haven't learned that even though that last glass of wine sitting in the bottle at 10:30 at night looks lonely and is calling my name, it should probably just stay there. That small, little glass always hurts the next day (today).

25 years on this planet and I still haven't learned that when the empty gas tank light comes on I should probably stop for gas. Waiting until the gauge reads  "--- until empty" always a bad idea.

25 years on this planet and I still haven't learned that it's not the clothes that shrunk, it's me that probably shouldn't have woofed down that chicken sandwich and waffle fries for lunch yesterday. Or the bagel for breakfast.

25 years on this planet and I still haven't learned that cussing at inanimate objects won't do me any good. Case in point, screaming expletives at my bed after walking into the corner of it will never make me learn that the corner is always there. I will always look dumb doing this and it will always be painful. 

Dear Furniture,

25 years on this planet and I still haven't learned that the fresh cup of coffee or bowl of soup is almost always too hot to take down immediately. Chill your grill and wait it out, homeslice. Sincerely, Tongue.

25 years on this planet and I still haven't learned that spray tans will always make my hands and feet appear to be diseased.

25 years on this planet and I still haven't learned that romantic movies aren't real life. I'll always ugly cry during them and I'll always think it's real.

Like Santa. 

25 years on this planet and I still haven't learned that leaving laundry in the dryer doesn't mean it's finished. It will always be there until I run out of undies and bathing suit bottoms. Or put it away but lezbihonest, that aint happening.

25 years on this planet and I still haven't learned that in baking there's no "eyeing it". Baking is like a science project - shit needs to be on point. This is probably why I've always sucked at science.

And baking.

25 years on this planet and I still haven't learned that dancing after a few vodka bevies is never a good idea. Ever. Especially the move with the arms in the air. No Whitney, just no. Put those arms down and take a seat.

25 years on this planet and I'm still convinced I'm going to be a reality star with fun GIFs.

All GIFs found here.