10 reasons why Facebook sucks.

So, a few days ago I deactivated my personal Facebook account in hopes of doing a little soul cleansing, if you will.

I know, it's like I'm an alien now or something.

Now that some of my friends are realizing that my mug (and smart ass commentary) disappeared from their feeds, they have one main question:

How do you do it?!

Well today, my sweet Facebook addicted lovers, I'm going to tell you all the things that I no longer have to roll my eyes at daily because of my converting to the alien world. 

Shit I no longer have to look at because I got rid of Facebook.

1. Little Bobby did a #2 in the big boy shitter last night. 

So far my most favorite is that I no longer get day-to-day updates on small children and when they paint the pottery. People on Twitter don't talk about this shit (no pun intended... har har) or at least the people I follow certainly don't.

Point, Twitter.

2. The perfect lifers.

You know, the ones who continue to talk about how they are living the greatest life in the whole wide world and nothing ever goes wrong? Yeah, I still call bologna sandwiches on all of your perfect asses. PS. Reading your overly bragging status about how amazing your "hubby" is makes me nauseous. 

3. Hey everyone, I'm at the gym. Look at me! Look at me!

Somewhere, back in the day, when I signed up for Facebook (you know, when you actually needed a collegiate email address.) I passed by the rule that said anytime you're at the gym you have to check in on Facebook. My question to you, gym checker inners, why the hell aren't you working out?! When I go to the gym (which is never) the last thing I'm thinking about doing when I'm dying running on the treadmill is letting 800 people know I'm at the damn gym. 

I'm sweaty, I'm disgusting and I just want an effing donut. 

4. THIS PRODUCT CHANGED MY LIFE, BUY IT FROM ME RIGHT NOW!

I am not interested in P90X (we've been over this... I despise working out.), Herb life (or whatever that shit is), some powdered shake shit I'm supposed to pass off as a meal, or any other weight loss program. I lose my appetite just skimming through the same 10 people shoving their weight loss program down my throat.

5. Facebook hashtaggers.

Hashtagging is for the cooler social networking site.

Let's keep it that way.

Point, Twitter.

6. MY. LIFE. IS. OVERRRRRRRRR.

As entertaining as it is to watch people air out their dirty laundry all up in Facebook's biznasss, that shit always gets awkward. Hearing that your baby daddy left you for a younger, non-knocked up bish is just straight up depressing. I've got my own biznass to worry about.

7. "... continue reading"

Real life, just because Facebook asks you the initial question "what's on your mind", it isn't a prompt for you to verbally vomit all over that shit. 

140 character limit. Point, Twitter.

8. The Facebook relationship.

Publicizing completely private moments gives me the creeps. Quit bragging and go hang out with each other... in person.

9. Whitney 'motha effin' Ellen.

What's with everyone losing their last names and adding some completely not clever nickname in the middle? This is almost as bad as couples who share 1 Facebook account. I only want to add Martha, I'm not really interested in adding Martha N Frank. 

10. Facebook chat.

Last, but certainly not least, no more creepers coming out of the woodwork on Facebook chat. Hidden for life.

Moral of this story, I vote Twitter. Hashtag Bing bang boom.