You Are What You Eat

Some sayings in life never fail to really just make me sit back and over analyze the shit out of them. Take the saying "you are what you eat", for example. What does this even mean? Does this mean that I'm a massive bucket of hummus right now? Because let me tell you something, cliche lords, I ate hummus with pita for two out of the two and a half meals I consumed yesterday. Not that I would mind being a bucket of hummus, because lezbihonest who doesn't love hummus, (If you don't, I assume you have zero soul. Kidding... not really.), but really I think we all know that even taking the size of my ass into consideration I don't think it's possible to actually be a bucket of hummus.

Maybe this is me once again over analyzing things, no actually it definitely is, but this is my blog and this is something I feel fit to be discussed. You are welcome.

So, I typically don't make my food choices much of a legend of the hidden temple around. No purple parrots, no blue barracudas, just straight up winning gold monkeys with all of my bagel bites pendants of life. Instagram is also a place on the interwebz I, for some reason, feel the need to profess my culinary adoration on. Yes, I fully admit that I'm one of the Instagrammer's whose camera roll has a wealthy compilation of #foodporn photos creeping around. Sorry I'm not sorry. I have a real sassy palette, what can I say?

So let's take some of my most popular Instagram #foodporn meals and see what they have to say.

Bagel Bites

"Hey people, whaddup, the name's BaBites and I prefer getting my bake on in the oven over that fake bakin' microwave nonsense. Sometimes I come accessorized with things like pepperoni but, never get it twisted, I'm always delectable. Speaking of delectable, I'm at my best after I've just taken a little dip in a lake of ranch dressing, in case you were wondering. I can impress your friends when paired with a glass of Chardonnay but I'm also always available for a midnight snack. Call me maybe?"


Dino-nugs

"RAWR. Me is chikken. R so dey tell U, hue man. Me like hot box above stove. Me taste guud 'n all da dippin sauces. Catch up is dino's faborite. Me make you look sofisikated. Rawr. Have me N-e meal. Rrr."


Birthday Steak

"Why hello there, guest, welcome to my most humble abode. Tis me, that delightfully grilled to perfection piece of quality beef, pleasantly perched upon this fine china. I enjoy long walks on the farm beach and dancing in the marinade rain. Though I have an area code that may cost you a little more to call, I'm well worth the extra money it takes, just ask your good pals Beyonce and Jay-Z. (I hear they're big fans of me.) Not to name drop, I just can't help it that everyone wants me. I'd love to meet you over a bottle of fine Pinot Noir, I'll bring the garlic. Ciao!"


Lunchables

"Oh hi. How are you doing? Around here I really prefer things to be conducted in a neat and fashioned manor. Please, keep your things to yourself, in your prospective cubbies, and everything will be ok. 'Hands to yourself' is one of my favorite mottos and I truly believe everyone should live by it. Being organized doesn't have to be expensive, give it a shot."


Eggs Benedict

 "Goooooood mooorrrrrning!! The sun is shining and so is this delightful blanket of hollendaise draped upon my poached little belly. Nothing makes me happier than a side of breakfast potatoes and fresh fruit, they're my homies! I love mornings and sunrises and hot sauce and bacon. Sometimes, only on the weekends though (I promise, mom.) I like sharing the table with my best friend, Mimosa. We always have a really great time and everyone always seems to love our relationship. Visit soon, XOXO!"



And then I wrote an entire post from the perspective of some of my favorite foods and realized I have lost my mind. I'm off to try and find it. Happy almost #backthatazzup Friday.
See you tomorrow.
Focker out.