I'm Better At...

A few weeks ago the kids were at the table when I heard Lucas make a comment. He said, "I'm better at coloring." It wasn't said in a boastful, mean, or teasing way. More like a matter-of-fact way. He was just making a statement. I was pretty sure I knew what he meant by that and it made my heart heavy. So my first, quick response was to tell him something like "We don't say that."

He asked me, "What don't we say?" Just to be sure I did understand what he was said I asked him to say it again. He seemed a little shy and unsure, but he said again that he was better at coloring. I asked him what he meant by that, who was he better at coloring? I think he was a little embarrassed and didn't want to say anymore. He knew he said something that got my attention but couldn't quite figure out what it was. Finally he said, "Better than Kayla."

So I told him "That's what we don't say, that we're better at something." He asked, "What word are we not supposed to say?"

Bless his heart. He thought he said a 'bad' word. I tried to explain to him that he colors his way and she colors her way but we shouldn't say that we're better than someone else.

Then this morning he was looking at one of Kayla's pages she colored and said, "I don't like scribbling." I asked what he meant and he mimicked scribbling across her page. I said that Kayla colored that page. He said, "I don't like it."

I told him that wasn't nice to say because Kayla tries her best to color. Then I went on to say, "Remember Kayla has Down syndrome? That means some things are harder for Kayla to do. Writing and coloring are harder for Kayla, but she still tries her best. It isn't nice to say we don't like something that someone did the best they could."

Lucas has heard "Down syndrome" before - it's not that we don't say it. We talk about why we go to the Buddy Walk, and it has come up other times that Kayla "has Down syndrome." But I know that doesn't mean anything to either of them right now.

I knew eventually I'd have the talk with Lucas about Ds and what it means for Kayla and how it affects her; I just didn't expect it to be so soon. I didn't expect to have to start talking to him about it when he was 3. Not that it's a bad thing; the earlier the better so he'll be used to this being a natural part of our lives and discussion. I just didn't think he would notice subtle differences so easily at this age.

And looking at the differences in their coloring pages really brings home to me how the low muscle tone affects Kayla's fine motor skills. It is much harder for her to color and write. He is very precise, careful, controlled, and detailed when he colors. Kayla's fine motor skills hinder her from coloring as easily as Lucas as she uses wide, long strokes.

 I have no idea why this one won't upload right-side up! But it was just to show how small Lucas can color around the rim of the bowl and the letters.

I do get glimpses of Lucas being the caring, concerned and protective brother though. Before any of these conversations there was a day that we were at the library and they were using the computers to play a few games. A girl younger than Kayla came over to watch her on the computer and kept trying to help out. Lucas was sitting next to Kayla and kept watching this girl; finally he kept telling her, "She doesn't need your help. My sister doesn't need help."