The Tank Top Confession

Thursday, 16 May 2013

Today we just have to dive right in to my story because it's one of those days where I'm about to write about something that deserves to be judged on multiple levels. 

Which is probably why I'm writing about it.

I'm over here alone in my little corner of the world, judging myself. I need some friends to just go ahead and judge with me. You know, so I'm not alone.

Remember that time I spilled the beans about the whole being engaged debacle that happened somewhere around my 23rd year of life? 

Well, around that same time there happened to be gifts given to me on different occasions, for whatever reason. You know, the kind of gifts you would only receive if you were going to get married, or something crazy like that. 

One of these gifts I got was from the infamous Sexy Little Bride collection from Victoria's Secret. It was a tank top.

This one, to be exact. 

Come to find out, this little devil of a tank top is pretty much the greatest tank top in the world. Bold statement, I know, but it really is great. You know the type. The tanks you can throw on under shirts that don't hang low enough or the kind that give you the perfect layer effect. This is that tank. 

Only problem with it is, well, it says BRIDE. Obviously I can't just rock such a shirt, we all know I'm far from that nasty B word I don't really like to discuss. 

Here's where the confession, and reason for such a pointless post, comes in. 

I still wear it all the time. Except I turn it inside out... 

Because I'm an unstable human.

I tried to break up with my bride tank but I just can't. We're not ready to go our separate ways yet. 

It's complicated, I know.

Why don't I just buy another black tank top, right?

NO, nope, not happening. None compare to this guy. 

Actually, I have about eleventy hundred black tanks, if we're being honest here. Bride wins, every time. 

How depressing.

So, the moral of this story is... if you see me strolling down the street and I appear to be rocking something that resembles a inside out tank top, think nothing of it. Because I definitely am. And that's that.

Yoga pants and inside out tank tops. 

It's real tough to be this fashionable, I'll tell you what.

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Questions to Ask Your Kids

Wednesday, 15 May 2013

I came across this list of questions to ask your kids and thought it would be fun to hear what answers my kids came up with.

Here are the questions with Lucas's answers:

1. What is something your mom always says to you? "Clean up, get dressed, get your backpack."
2. What makes your mom happy? "Flowers."
3. What makes your mom sad? "I don't know."
4. How does your mom make you laugh? "When you're silly."
5. What was your mom like as a child? "I don't really know what you mean."
6. How old is your mom? "38." (Close. 39.)
7. How tall is your mom? "We haven't measured you so I don't know."
8. What is your mom's favorite thing to do? "Clean the house."
9. What does your mom do when you're not around? "I don't know cause I'm not around!" (This was my favorite answer.). Then he continued with, "Vacuum sometimes, clean the dishes."
10. If your mom becomes famous what would it be for? "Hmmm."
11. What is your mom really good at? "Putting pajamas on."
12. What is she not very good at? "I don't know, you're always good at something."
13. What does your mom do for a job? "Write things."
14. What is your mom's favorite food? "All kinds of food what you eat. I don't know. That's a lot of I don't knows!"
15. What makes you proud of your mom? "That you're nice."
16. If your mom was a cartoon character who would she be? "A fast writer."
17. What do you and your mom do together? "Watch TV together, but I don't know if you're actually watching it." (Actually, we rarely watch TV together.)
18. How are you and your mom the same? "We're not the same. Why does it even ask that question?" (My other favorite answer.)
19. How are you and your mom different? "We don't have the same hair."
20. How do you know your mom loves you? "Because it's in both of our hearts." (love this one too.)
21. Where is your mom's favorite place to go? "Maryland."

 

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Because growing up should be fun!

Ok, so here's the deal, friends.
I'm typically not one to just throw a full guest post on my blog unless you're someone pretty damn awesome. Before you get your eyes all rolled in the back of your head, hear me out.

You see, I was originally excited about this blogger because she shares the same name as my mama does and, well, that just automatically means you're pretty damn awesome. Then I started reading her blog and came to find that she has some really ridiculous stories, much like myself. Before I knew it, I was hooked and if any of you don't read her blog, you've gotta go check her out.

Not now. Read her guest post first... then go check her out.

Enough of my blab blab blab, this blogger really needs no introduction, I'm just honored she wanted to post here on this yoga pants blog.

Ready, set, take it away Bon Bon...



It was when I was examining the contents of my closet and realized I own more than a dozen pairs of yoga pants that I knew I just had to find a way to get on Whitney's blog.  Homegirl and I both share that avid appreciation of yoga pants and when you have something that deep you gotta roll with it, you know?

Oh.  My name is Bonnie.  And I blog at The Life of Bon.  I am a high school English teacher by profession, and let me tell you, those kids can say some pretty stupid things.  So stupid you can't help but laugh and laugh and then wonder if America's future is totally doomed.  I figured it's my job to share them with you because that's the loving kind of gal I am!

This is me wearing a bunch of shirts and pants to work.  Very original, I know.

STUPID QUESTIONS:

Student: "Mrs. Larsen? What do we do if we can't find what page we're on?"
My reply: "Uh... find the page you're on..."

Student, immediately after having received a graded final test back: "Is this test going to go on our grade?"
My reply: "Of course not. Why would I put a final test on your grade?"

Student: "I left my homework at home and can't hand it in until tomorrow. Does that mean it's going to be late?"
My reply: "Nope. When you hand your work in a day late, I actually count it as early."

Student, six weeks after school has been in session: "What time does school let out?"
My reply: "Seven o'clock."

Student:  "Do we answer both of these questions for this essay?"
My reply:  "Read what is written.  See that first sentence?  Where it says "Answer one of the following questions"?
Student:  "So... we only answer one of them?"

Student, referring to a 50-something-year-old male teacher who has just walked out of the room: "Is that your husband?"
My reply: "You people are sick."

Student: "Do you wish you got paid more money?"
My reply: "No.  If anything teachers are overpaid

Student:  "Did we do anything in class yesterday?"
My reply:  "Nope.  We all just sat here and stared at each other."

Student:  "When you were in high school were computers invented yet?"
My reply:  "I went to high school seven years ago."
Student:  "So were they invented yet?"
My reply:  "No, not yet.  The world was a very primitive place seven years ago. I had to use a type writer for all my assignments.  Cars weren't invented either so I had to walk to school.  In the snow.  Uphill. Barefoot.  Because shoes also were not yet invented."

Student:  Are you sure that voluptuous doesn't have an 'm' in it?

My reply:  Oh, you're right!  It does!  It's silent and it comes right before the v.

Student:  What does whores mean?  Is that like a horse?

My reply:  Yep.  You nailed it.

Student:  What was Shakespeare's first name?  Was it just Shakespeare?
My reply:  Yes.  His name was Shakespeare Shakesepare.
Student:  How weird!

Student:  What's a character list?  Is that like... a list of characters?

This is me and my students. We're having a funeral for Jay Gatsby. I'm the idiot making the peace signs in the front. I can't help it. Everytime there's a camera I whip out the peace signs. It's a disease.

STUPID ANSWERS:
Me:  When did Shakespeare live?  

Student:  1940s!  

Me:  No!  That would have meant he was alive during World War II!  

Student:  He wasn't?

Me:  What did Shakespeare write?  

Student 1:  Macbeth! 

Student 2: Romeo and Juliet!

Student 3: The one with the little dude that spins the stuff into gold!  

Me:  Rumpelistiltskin?  

Student:  Yah!

STUPID STATEMENTS:

As the first line of an essay on Les Mis:  SEX!  Well, now that I got your attention you little pervert I am going to tell you about Les Mis, a very long book about a bunch of people who like to feel sorry for themselves.

Explaining his hatred of the book to me:  I hate this book so bad.  I would burn it if I didn't have to give it back to you. I'd really do it too but then you'd give me a fine and I couldn't get my yearbook.

On an essay about Ender's Game and lost childhood:  In conclusion, when you're a child you're supposed to be a kid, get durty, burp, and fart in public.

On an essay about the characters in Midsummer Night's Dream:  Now I know these people didn't have Nascar or Football or video games but seriously, do something with your lives and get over yourselves!

Explaining her pet peeves to me:  I just hate it when people ask me for gum!  Gum is getting really expensive nowadays!  (Oh, I know!  It's up to a buck 29!  Who can afford that?!? THE OUTRAGE!)

On an essay on gender roles:  Women get smarter and smarter by watching what their husbands do.

In all seriousness, I really do love these tikes and all the crazy crap that comes flying out of their mouth at a million miles an hour.  Of course if you want to hear more you can always visit Life of Bon.  I also write about going to the gyno, stealing underwear from Victoria's Secret and other totally legit stuff like that.  It's always a party. And because it's almost the end of the school year and the end of the school year means freedom and happiness and all things lovely, I am going to share that with you today.  In the form of a $50 gift certificate to Target.  Admit it- there ain't no better way to start your summer!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

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Don't be a creeper.

Tuesday, 14 May 2013

Oh, hey. Remember when I just decided that posting on Monday wasn't going to be a thing?
My bad.

Sometimes that just happens, you know.
Like playing hookie in school, I suppose you can do it in blog too. Or maybe you can't, but I did and I hope no one sends me to the principal's office.


Today I come to you with a short story about what not to do if you are a single male.
If you aren't a single male (you know, because so many come here and read.) I like to think you can still relate this to your life. Or maybe not, I don't know.

You see, as a single lady, I tend to go out a little more these days which means I get the pleasure of running into some very interesting people on occasion.
And by interesting I mean completely bizarre and off the wall.

A few weeks back I was at my local dive bar when I was approached by a guy, probably in his 40's. He starts telling me about how he just moved in my apartment complex and he's seen me walking my "two little white dogs" before.
He also apologized for his "Pods", which sat outside the backdoor of my apartment for what seemed like 2 weeks.

If you're getting a creepy vibe, you're correct.

Then this creeper proceeds to show me photos of his Labradoodle, declaring that she is the "main lady" in his life.

At this point I didn't know if I should drink faster or run.
I opted for drinking faster. Much faster.


And then the creepiest part of the whole night happened.
Creep Nasty comes back from the bathroom and grabs my foot as he walks by.

No, just no.

The moral of this story is, don't grab other people's extremities if you don't know them.
Or tell them about your "main lady", aka your Labradoodle.
Or creep them out, just in general.

And that's all I've got for you today.
Over and out.

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Kayla's Runway Debut

Monday, 13 May 2013

Last week Kayla and I drove to Maryland for the Global Down Syndrome Foundation's Be Beautiful Be Yourself Gala and Fashion Show in Washington DC. Kayla was one of 25 models with Down syndrome who walked the runway with guest escorts.

Humor on our drive: As we were driving through VA we were stopped at a light when I noticed sign pointing out George Washington's birthplace to the right. I told Kayla, "Oh look! Remember learning about George Washington? The president? That sign says he was born here." Kayla looked at the corner on her right and said, "Here? At CVS?" Also: It's an 8 hr drive. She woke up from a 20-minute nap saying, "Whew! That's a long nap!"

We had such a fun time last week. Kayla tried on several dresses and she chose this one because of the way it twirls. She loves to twirl in a dress and this dress was a big hit to her.



She had her hair curled, a smidgen of blush and eye shadow applied, nails polished, and her pretty purple dress on ... she was ready to go!



Her escort was GDSF Spokesperson and Supermodel Beverly Johnson. (Here are a couple of pictures from the professional photographers of Kayla meeting Beverly Johnson and walking the runway.)





After the fashion show the crowd enjoyed listening to Sheryl Crow perform several songs. The models got back up on the stage and danced the night away. (Here is a picture of Kayla with Sheryl Crow.)



I was so proud of Kayla! She's never done anything like this before (the closest thing would be the one dance recital she was in last year). Yet she seemed so poised and confident walking that stage! Albeit a little faster than I think she was supposed to ... as you'll see in the video she lets go of Beverly's hand as if to say, "I got this! I can do this myself! I know what I'm doing!"



You can read more about the gala in the article Global Down Syndrome Gala a Huge Success and Supermodel Spotlights Down Syndrome.

There were several representatives from the NIH there who heard, more than once, how Down syndrome is one of the most common genetic conditions, yet the least funded. Hopefully funding for Down syndrome research will increase.

What a great night!

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