Do You Want Another Baby?

Sunday, 13 May 2012

The other day Lucas and I walked by a couple who were changing their baby in the back of their van.

He asked me, "Mom, do you want to have another baby?"

I hesitated before answering him. Do I? I have to admit there are times I get 'baby envy' and miss those baby days. I miss the feel of a new life growing inside of me. I miss the days of a baby discovering their world.

But then I remember the seemingly endless nights requiring multiple feedings, nursing pads, diaper bags, dirty diapers etc etc etc. Pros and cons to everything.

I answered Lucas, "Umm...I think I'm pretty good with having you and Kayla. A boy and a girl. I don't think I need to have another baby."

Then I turned the tables on him, "Do YOU want me to have another baby?"

He enthusiastically said, "YEAH!"

I was a bit surprised by that and questioned him, "You do? You want there to be a baby in the house?"

He said, "Yeah! No wait. 2! 2 more babies."

Me, "Two?! Why do you want me to have TWO more babies?"

His reasoning was simple enough, "Because I have two pillows on my bed and Kayla has two pillows on her bed. And because we don't have enough friends."

He can be so sweet, but I don't think that was reason enough to convince me to have another baby! Sorry son, guess we're just going to have to make more friends. I'm not getting any younger and I think my days of having babies are over.

Although I do think he would make an awesome big brother!

Happy Mother's Day!

 

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"(Enter)[View]"

Saturday, 12 May 2012

"(Enter)[View]"

I'm through wondering.
I'm done asking you why
It's so hard to avoid
Getting yourself into trouble.
When I get ready to leave,
That's when your efforts double.
If it looks like I just may go,
You say "No!" and hope I move slow.

That's how it used to be.
That's how I used to see;
But nothing hurts more
Than what you used to do to me.
See, I know how it feels
To lick emotional scars;
But your cuts will never heal
You're in the dirt. I'm behind bars.

Murder in the first degree.
That's what they heard from me.
This little girl mad at the world
Was on a killing spree.
See, the unholy truth, baby
Is that I'm a very angry lady.
Deep seated behind this smile
Is a child that was reviled.

Mother never really developed
To look quite like me;
So she would call me ugly
and say no one would like me.
She used to fight me.
I dodged the pots and pans.
Of course the judge would indict me
For having her cleaver in my hands.

That wasn't long ago.
There's so much more to show.
Aside from a jealous mother,
My big brother stole the show.
He never helped in my school fights.
He closed his door on most nights
When my stepfather hit the lights
Like it would hinder my sight.

My brother knew about it.
Mother did too;
So he can't take all of the blame.
He was a kid, too.
All that pounding and thrusting
From a man who was lusting
After a ten year old child.
Tell me, mom. Was it worthwhile?

Was it that vile?
Was it grotesque
For you to sit there staring
While your man gave me his best?
When you fell to your knees
With your blood spreading like disease,
He rose up and yelled out "please!"
"Just end this now! Leave all at ease!"

He was such a tease;
Even when he was older.
He lost most of his strength;
But he still has those broad shoulders.
He used to mount and pin me.
Now with the rage within me,
I straddled him, tied his wrists
And gutted him like a fish.

This is real to me.
None of it fictitious.
Nothing these days is more delicious
Than what's violent and vicious.
I used to loathe this anger.
Now it's become my best friend.
I suppose I'm no longer a stranger.
Hell, my legacy may never end.

Sent a letter to my brother's family
Offering condolences and sympathy.
Since I was there when he drowned,
I thought I would find some empathy.
I've always been alone.
Never vicarious in nature;
But if he were on this phone,
Would that suddenly change the flavor?

Does it really even matter
That a woman let the blood splatter?
Does it make you sadder?
What happened to the laughter?
No time for blues, right?
You wanted news, right?
I've paid my dues, right?
Here is your muse. Write.

Written By: Devin Joseph Metz

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Special Exposure Wednesday

Wednesday, 9 May 2012

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Something Of His Own

Tuesday, 8 May 2012

Sometimes it feels like much of what we do as a family is centered around Kayla and special needs. Not to say that there aren't things we do that don't have anything to do with special needs, but a lot of what we do does. We go to Miracle League ballgames where Lucas sits on the sidelines, Buddy Walk, Family Connection Disability Walk and Festival, Special Needs day at the Lowcountry Children's Museum, Special Needs Night at Monkey Joes, Exceptional Family Member Program (on base) support group meetings and events, Easter party/Summer Picnic/Christmas Party with the local Down syndrome association, other annual get-togethers throughout the year with Family Connection, Rolly Pollies for the Special Olympics Young Athlete Program, respite care nights at local churches for kids w/special needs and their families, other various events or programs around town that have some connection to kids with special needs.

I'm glad that Lucas is growing up with this and being exposed to all kinds of differences and abilities and seeing that it's perfectly normal and acceptable. I think at a young age he's learning about acceptance and that it's ok to use a walker, or sign language, or wheelchair, or braces and etc.

However, there are times when I feel a little guilty being so immersed in the special needs community and feeling like Lucas doesn't have something of his own. He's only 4 so I know he's still young and there is still time for him to be involved in his own thing(s). He does go to a preschool program 2x a week, so that is all 'his.' But it's somewhere he goes on his own, not with us as a family because of something he's doing.

Just trying to find some balance in this thing called life with kids!

I finally signed us up to become members of the Y and in turn signed Lucas us for T-ball. He finally has something that is all about him. He has something that we'll go to as a family and cheer him on from the sidelines.  His first game was last weekend and I think he had a pretty good time!

 I think he's going to have fun with this!

As for me, I'm just glad that his foray into youth baseball doesn't have him sporting a Yankee uniform!

 

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Gluten-Free Goodness

Sunday, 6 May 2012

May is Celiac Disease Awareness Month. What better way to kick that off then to attend a gluten-free expo! I told Kayla we were going somewhere that would have a lot of food and she wouldn't hear me tell her, not even one time, "No Kayla you can't have that, it has wheat." I told her she can try every.single.thing. that she wanted to eat there. She got very excited, said 'thank you!' and gave me a big hug and kiss.

I was right, I didn't tell her that she couldn't have something because it had wheat... but I did have to tell her to slow down and stop stuffing her face! I had to tell her not to have another sample of this or that because we were only 1/4 of the way around the room and there were still so many other tables to get samples from! I think she was so excited that she was allowed to eat whatever she wanted there.

It was a great expo as we found out about some companies I hadn't heard of before.

Against the Grain was the first vendor we sampled from. The pesto pizza was delicious. One of the best gluten-free pizzas I've ever tasted. We tried the nut-free pesto and the kids had a couple slices each. There was also garlic bread made from their baguettes. Kayla must have missed having that style bread. She probably had 6 or 7 samples! Even after we made our way around to the other side of the room she ran back a few times to that table! All of their products are free of gluten, grain, corn, soy, yeast, tree nut and peanut and no added sugar. All natural ingredients.

1-2-3 Gluten Free had so many yummy samples to try. Joe and my favorite was the Pan Bars; Kayla and Lucas really enjoyed the brownies. These products are also made in a facility free from gluten, dairy, peanuts, tree nuts, egg, and soy.

Whole Foods has their own dedicated Gluten Free Bakehouse and had several products to sample from ... this was about the time I was trying to slow Kayla down on seconds and thirds! The pies and cheddar cheese biscuits were really good. The ladies were so nice - they gave us a whole pie, packages of muffins, scones, and cheese biscuits to take home! So thankful!

No Gii was started by Elisabeth Hasselbeck. The vendor was very generous with the samples and we've got plenty of the Kids Bars (which will come in handy when traveling!)

Taste of Gluten Free had a huge selection of samples from their products. I was glad that the samples were in the little cups with lids so we could take them home to try them. Otherwise we probably wouldn't have made it through sampling all of the products they had! We also tried their pizza and it was also a big thumbs up. So tasty that we bought a bag of the pizza mix (it makes 3 10-inch pizzas) for only $5. Five dollars! For 3 gluten-free pizzas. Can't beat that price. All of their bagged mixes are only $5. We also bought the banana cake. Oh yummy goodness! Very similar to banana bread but moister.

Joe usually makes breakfast on Sunday mornings. One of the dishes he used to make was sausage and biscuits with gravy. Kayla enjoyed it too. Since she was diagnosed I don't think he's made it. We sampled a sausage gravy from For Full Flavor and promptly picked up two packages of the Cream Soup which can be used for several different recipes. They have gravies and sauces too.

Rudi's Gluten Free had a new product out to try - plain and spinach tortillas. I think these will taste great baked up in the oven for tortilla strips. Vendor was also generous to us and sent us home with a package of each!

Glutino's had out their pretzels (which Kayla already eats and loves!) and a new product (at least I think it is new, I only recently saw them at the Commissary) - bagel chips. The cinnamon and sugar flavor were really good.

We're already a fan of Udi's Gluten Free (it was the first GF bread I could make Kayla a grilled-cheese sandwich with! And Jason's Deli uses this brand for GF sandwiches, so I know it's a place Kayla can eat.) Another generous vendor who sent us home with some extra goodies!

I'm so thankful that Kayla was diagnosed with Celiac disease at a time when so much more is known about it, when so many other companies are making an effort to produce gluten-free products, and when restaurants are starting to be more accommodating by adding gluten-free items to their menus.

 

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