I'm thankful for the shades that hide my hungover eyes.

Wednesday, 21 November 2012

So, it's the day before Thanksgiving and, from what I can gather, the blog world will be dead tomorrow.

To avoid the risk of writing my super thoughtful, and not at all sarcastic, thankful Thanksgiving post and having no one around to read it, I'm going to post it today.

I know, don't all jump out of your seats at once. 

This year I am thankful for...

 the person who figured out that 4 bottles of wine could fit in one convenient box - with a spout.

Day & NyQuil for helping me forget I am, yet again, under the Thanksgiving curse for another year.

Honey Boo Boo, Duck Dynasty, Moonshiners, and every other entertaining redneck reality show.

my washer, which is currently washing the sheets Ella decided to vomit on at 7am this morning.

those of you posting photos of people in tents outside of stores. That shit is hilarious.

green bean casserole, which I am likely to destroy easily 4 servings of tomorrow.

RayBan aviators - for all of the times they have hidden my hungover eyes.

Jenelle's mom from Teen Mom. Barb has some seriously brilliant one-liners. "High! High!"

Blogger for occupying so many hours of my time each day. Except for Saturday & Sunday, duh.

Ty Ty, Brookie, and Samilicious. 'Nough said.

yoga pants that will allow me to stuff my face tomorrow and not feel like I'm going to bust a button.

Eat lots of food tomorrow, loves. I'm out!

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My Thanksgiving curse.

Tuesday, 20 November 2012

Notice anything new around here? No? Alright then, moving on.

Yesterday, throughout the course of my work day, I began to feel a little tickle in my throat. 

A very unwelcome tickle. 

I woke up this morning feeling pretty shitty and the tickle is a full on sore throat at this point.

Yep, a short two days before the day it's socially acceptable to stuff your face with anything and everything in sight and I'm popping vitamin C like it's my job.

This would shock most - unless you are me.

You see, my Thanksgiving track record is less than impressive. 

After last year's fiasco, I'm convinced I have some sort of Thanksgiving curse on me.

Last year my sweet mother and myself got into a nice little disagreement which caused my eating KFC alone at my townhouse for Thanksgiving. 

Last year, around Thanksgiving time, was also the time I was going through that fun engagement mishap.

Screw the butter knife, the tension that surrounded last year's Thanksgiving could have been cut with a plastic spoon.

Then two years ago I managed to catch the most violent stomach flu I've ever known.

This beast of an illness hit me at 2am on Thanksgiving morning.

Yes, I had a flu that wouldn't even allow me to keep down an ice chip on the biggest eating day of the year.

Who the hell do you have to piss off in the universe to manage that?

Three years ago I decided I was a vegetarian.

Really Whitney? You pick THE HOLIDAY SEASON to go through this short-lived phase?

Yeahhhh, that was some real bad judgement.

Still regretting that to this day. I mean, I was healthy and I DIDN'T eat half of my favorite foods.

I hang my head in shame reminiscing this year.

I plan on kicking this sore throat's ass by chugging hot tea like it's natty light and this is my freshman year of college so that my Thanksgiving this year will break this curse I'm under.

If I don't get to enjoy turkey, stuffing, potatoes, green bean casserole and enough pie to feed a small country this year, I will be quitting this holiday once and for all.

Also, I need to be able to take down a bloody mary or 10.

My dad is the dad who can't handle the pressure of cooking the turkey and ends up having some type of tryptophan meltdown somewhere shortly after the Purina Dog Show ends.

I need some vodka to cushion the inevitable meltdown.

Anyways, here's to vitamin C and my dad's famous "Over the lips, through the gums, lookout stomach here it comes. Yay, God." prayer. 

Go away, Thanksgiving curse.

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