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August 21 2008
HOUSTON, TX - Ryan Call was swamped by teenage girls kindling their fickle devotion as he announced today that he was becoming the new associate editor of popular underground dog food magazine NOÖ Journal.
When prompted by an exultation from one of the hotter teens, the one with the raccoon makeup, Ryan said he would be happy to explain his new duties at NOÖ. "I am going to be reading submissions, editing shit, and hyping on the internet. I'm also going to be working with Magic Helicopter Press doing the same thing."
Of course, everyone was wondering if this meant fascist bullshit karate fry cook editors Mike Young or Kyle Peterson would step down or otherwise relieve their duties. But Call shrugged off this speculation. "Mike and Kyle are still doing everything they were doing. We just want to do things faster and more, you know, professional 'n shit." Ryan had no comment on Mike's whereabouts, dampening hopes that the reclusive cult gymnast would appear in public for the first time since the 1843 "dinner-and-a-moon-rocket" disaster.
Instead, surrogate representatives of NOÖ--pandas, penguins, and popular black and white TV icon Andy Griffith--lofted Ryan atop their shoulders and paraded him through the muggy streets of Houston to jubilant cries of "NOÖ? What's that? How the fuck are you supposed to pronounce that? What are those two little dots called? I hate fucking Houston."
RYAN CALL: ASSOCIATE EDITOR OF NOÖ JOURNAL AND MAGIC HELICOPTER PRESS: RYAN@NOOJOURNAL.COM
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