Poof! Be gone.

Tuesday, 25 June 2013

If you're new here, or never read (like, ever), you may be unaware that I am single. Being single is actually something I've been enjoying for the first time in my life, as opposed to searching for my next future ex-boyfriend every night I go out. Alas, finally, I'm getting the hang of this single thing and it's definitely fun for me at this point.

One of the down sides to the single thing is creepers, as I've admitted in the past. For me, I think I come across them more often because I go out pretty often and seemingly the creepers are always out and on the prowl. Also, I don't think many, if any, of these creepers actually care whether you're entirely single or have a ring on your finger. You know, just for the record.

Low and behold, you don't even have to go out and be social to come across said creepers. Come to find out they can find you anywhere, like Facebook chat for instance.

Guys, real life, this happened last week. I went to high school with this idiot and haven't seen or heard from him in a solid 5 years, at the very least. 

What inda actual FUQ?

Sure dude, 2:30 am? Definitely come get me in that new car of yours. Because that's exactly what gets me interested, your new car. Oh wait, no, never mind. Not happening, bro. Be gone.

Of course now, in typical fashion, all of my whitty comebacks are starting to surface and I can't help but to at least write them somewhere. Where better than here, obviously? 

Instead of ignoring sir creeps-a-lot like I did, here's some things I should have done:

Solid and to the point -

Shame the game - 

Pull the sleeper on him -

Play the blonde card - 

And if all of those failed, I should have just thrown NeNe Leakes on his ass - 

I don't doubt this will be my last creep encounter, so now that I've got myself a few notes stored away, stay tuned.

I'm off to dodge the creepers and get this Tuesday show on the road.
Here's to hoping it goes faster than yesterday.

*insert NeNe gif from above here*

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"Among Some"

"Among Some"

The new day will come.
At least that's what premonition tells me.
Memory serves with consistency.
Consistently,
I have observed your trials.
Choked down like vials
filled to the brim with poison,
You retch as you absorb them.
Them?
They that harbor your ill fortune.
Your bewildered flux in motion
A direct result of your devotion.
Stalwart dedication.
Inward excavation.
Strong enough to lead whole nations;
But too hollow to remain stationed.

Abandoned your sense of whimsy
For musings of the stern.
You've calibrated your focus;
But what have you really learned?
Earned your place among the counsel
Yet salvation still eludes you.
What of the prestigious structure
If it only stands to groom you?
Void the soul in firm control
Of that which holds no purpose.
Law and rule issued by tools
That fortify this hapless circus

But the new day will come.

Just beyond it all
lies the path on which some fall
Because they were not ready.
Steady hands mark balance.
Challenged are the victors
for they know they can deliver.
The ignorant are driven crazy.
They can't shake feeling lazy
But ambition has a slew of definitions.
For the many privy to free will,
Many fall to self imposed constriction.
Their complaints become their contradiction

But the new day will present itself.

How much help after it hurts?
Enough to wash away the dirt
And display one's rugged face
In the full allotment of grace?
Pray away what is displaced.
Eviscerate it all.
Each shard.
Every trace.
Run away.
Remain misplaced.
Then rue for all that will ensue
As if they need that bitter taste.
From our pasts we are flung
To clasp against life's rungs;
But some fall among the latter
That will not reach for the ladder.
They absorb all of the chatter;
Making grand what shouldn't matter;
Standing still where they are shunned
Before reaching for the gun.

But the new day……………………
…………………………………………
…………………………………………
……the new day knows nothing of requiem. †

Written By: Devin Joseph Metz

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Dream Catchin and Stuff

Monday, 24 June 2013

I wasn't sure I was going to make it around here today, not because I'm hungover (shocker, I know) but because work has been crazy nuts today. Alas, I decided to dedicate my lunch break to banging out a post here. You're welcome.

This weekend was spent around great company, as per usual. Friday night I had girls night with two of my besties at Buca di Beppo and I stuffed myself full of more chicken parmesan and stuffed shells than anyone should probably ever consume before a night out. Oops.

Saturday morning we got up pretty early, for us at least, and headed to the island for some fun in the sun. I got to wear my new party shades inspired by no other than my girl crush, Sarah.

We stuck around the island until about 3 and then headed back home to get ready for the Orlando City soccer game which I have zero photos of. You're welcome, times two.

I wasn't exactly aware until this weekend but soccer games are a complete shit show. Who knew? I didn't... Well, until Saturday night. I am now well aware and I dealt with the aftermath all day yesterday.

And by aftermath I mean hangover, if you are unclear.
So, I spent the majority of yesterday trying to finally decorate my bedroom, which has had completely bare walls since I moved in... in October. I know, it's really bad.

In addition to getting this new printable printed and framed, I also picked up some fancy scrapbook paper to frame. I know, I know, my Pinterest is showing. Ooops.

Lastly, I've been dying for a girly-ish dreamcatcher for a hella long time but haven't had much luck finding one that I really love, so I decided yesterday was the perfect opportunity to get my ass in gear and finally make myself one.

After gathering what seemed like a billion different materials, here's what I ended up with:

 I'm pretty happy with it!

And really, that's all I've got for you today. I got way too much sleep last night and all I can think about is my 5 o'clock glass of wine and whatever else trouble I choose to get myself into this Monday evening.

I'm off to go dream about next week and the 4-day weekend my boss just decided to let me know I'll be getting, which is going to make this week seem like a damn marathon, I'm assuming.

Focker out.

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Conversations With Lucas, Part III

Lucas, "Can I have some crackers?"
Me, "No, you just had bread."
L, "What does that have to do with it?"

Lucas said he wished he was a girl. When I asked why he said that girls do more fun things (couldn't give me an example though). Then he said boys get in trouble.
I said, "If you don't do things you shouldn't be doing you wouldn't get in trouble."
L, "That's just the way we're made."
Me, "What do you mean?"
Lucas, "That's the way God made us."

Kayla was upset that we were going back home after spending some time at the Children's Museum. Joe said we were going to "emoh." (Home spelled backwards). The kids started asking questions about what they could do there. We said there were books, dress-up, puzzles, toys etc. there. They were getting excited. Then Lucas said "I think we're going home. You're just saying all that to try and make Kayla happy."

Lucas slept in one morning; I asked why he slept so late. He said he didn't know, but he was opening and closing his eyes and opening and closing them till he went back to sleep. "Maybe I was in the middle of a dream and didn't want to wake all the way up. Cause if I woke up and went to sleep again at night the dream might not be there again.'

Told Lucas we were going to book fair at Kayla's school and he could bring money from his piggy bank. He said he didn't want to bring any of his money; when I asked why he said he was saving it to buy a car and a house.

Playing with scavenger hunt cards while we were driving. Lucas had to look for a person riding a bike, he called out he saw a bike. Since we were on the highway I asked where and he said, "On that sign!" I told him that was good thinking outside of the box. He asked, "Thinking outside what box? where is the box?"

"I actually want to tell you something, but I actually can't explain it because I don't think you'll get it."

Upon returning home from the store Lucas greets me with, "Look Mom!"
I say, "Oh you're silly...wearing your shoes w/your pajamas."
Lucas, "NO! I TIED my own shoes!" (Can we slow down with the growing up already!?)

"Where is the Table of Continents" in this book?

"I want to see Jesus one day."
Me, "Well, if you believe in Jesus in your heart, when you die you'll go to Heaven and see Him."
L, "I said I want to see him one day. One day means when you're still alive. When you're in Heaven you go to sleep and it's forever."

Lucas tells me that after tying his shoes he wants to go to the stairs before we leave because he wants to ask God something. He comes back to me and says, "I couldn't hear God say anything to me."
Me, "Well sometimes we don't hear God right away, and sometimes he answers us later by the things that happen - we just might not hear his voice directly speaking to us."
Lucas, "Well I need an answer right now!"
Me, "Why? What did you ask God?"
Lucas, "If I could be Flash Gordon."
Me, "How come you want to be Flash Gordon right now?"
Lucas, "Because he's fast and I think he's faster than cars and then we won't be late."

Hearing the mail truck Lucas says, "I wonder if God sent me a letter today."
Me, "I don't think there are post offices in Heaven that can send mail here."
Lucas, "Well God can just come down here to use the post office."

I was driving home with just Lucas and had something on my mind. He was chattering away and asked me something. I responded and then asked him something. He said, "I already told you that! Weren't you listening to me when I was talking about it?"
Realizing I had been caught I sighed and said the only thing I could say, "I'm sorry. I was distracted with something on my mind and wasn't paying attention to what you said."
Lucas, "Well can you pay attention to the road?"
Me, laughing, "I AM paying attention to the road while I'm driving. I promise you that."
Lucas, "At least I made you laugh!"

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What's a baloney bin?

Sunday, 23 June 2013

Happy Sunday, my friends!! Today I have someone taking over here whose blog thoroughly makes me giggle out loud. Homegirl is witty and sarcastic, just how I like it.

Don't take my word for it though, check out Sarah from The Baloney Bin!

1. First thing's first, you have a very unique blog name. Tell me what inspired it!

Baloney is a slang term for nonsense, and I consider the Baloney Bin to be a receptacle for silliness. I write about my life, and while I find life to be beautiful, strange, scary, and heartbreaking, I also find life to be wonderfully absurd. Like those moments when you find yourself sitting in a stall in a public bathroom and really having to go #2 but you do everything in your power to hold it in because you don’t want others to hear you #2-ing.  I’m not the only one who does that, right?
Or when you wake up with no plans on a lovely sunny morning and so you spend an indeterminate amount of time gazing out of your second-floor bedroom window, just daydreaming away…until you notice that your neighbor’s kid is running around the yard naked and it looks like you’ve been standing there staring at the kid like a creepy perv for the past five minutes.
My blog name came about because I am delighted by zaniness. Also, I have a grudging fondness for bologna, the meat. 

2. What's one of your favorite posts you've written and why?

My favorite post is Sweet Valley High: The McCalls Move to Town.[LINK: http://baloneybin.com/?p=669] I wrote it after discovering that I am more like the fictitious Wakefield twins than I ever dreamed. My nerdy 12-year-old self, with the giant pink glasses and frizzy hair, would do a poorly-executed cartwheel of joy to know that one day she was going to have things in common with her literary heroines.  Even if you've never read the Sweet Valley High books, I think you’ll like this post. 

3. If you could be a Seamonkeyologist like you've mentioned you'd like to be, what would your job consist of? Explain these monkeys of the sea to me, please! 

First of all, I absolutely love this question!  Whitney, let me tell you, when you purchase/adopt Sea Monkeys, they offer you a mail-in Seamonkeyologist degree. For $16.00 plus tax, you get the diploma and title. I’m pretty sure my job would be to wear a white lab coat and do highly scientific studies on Sea Monkey behavior. I’d publish my findings in the academic journal Sea Monkey Digest.
Unfortunately, my career plans are on hold because I don’t want to shell out the $16.00. Gah, higher education is so expensive!

4. What are some of the street smarts, life lessons you'd like to install in your husband, Brent. Top 4, ready, go. 

Back story: one day I asked Brent if he thought he had more street smarts than me. He scoffed and said, “Of course I do.” I beg to differ. Here are the top four lessons I could teach him:
1) Real men watch the Gilmore Girls. He’ll find that out when he tries to join a street gang and they reject him because he fails the most important interview question: “Name your favorite Gilmore Girls season and give supporting evidence.”
2) A White Russian does not consist of soy milk and rum.
3) Lake monsters do not really exist. It is perfectly safe to swim in a lake. Except if you are this lady whose kids I used to babysit – she was wading in a lake and stepped into a dead cow.
4)  He needs to learn how to break dance and that we should take lessons together. How could would that be?

5. What made you get in to this blogging thing?

I started about a year and a half ago and was inspired by all the stunning blogs out there. Young House Love comes to mind. Blogs with gorgeous layouts, amazing photography, and interesting content. I wanted a blog like that! 
At the same time, I knew I wanted to focus on writing. I have a full-time day job, but I was, and still am, working on a book (aren’t we all!) and feeling burnt out. I’m a slow writer; the type who can spend two hours on a paragraph and was hoping that the medium of blogging would allow me to write short, fun pieces and get me out of my writing rut. It did that, and introduced a sense of purpose and satisfaction that I'd never experienced before. Best of all, I've met some really cool people online through blogging. I love it. My imperfect little blog is far from the gorgeous website I envisioned, but it is a work in progress, and I'm really glad I started!



Go check out Sarah's blog and say hello!

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