My Real Life Nightmare

Tuesday, 7 May 2013

Well, I'm currently typing this post exactly 24 hours after my life really took an interesting turn.

Interesting in the way that breaks your heart and makes you so scared you can't even think straight.

If you're not an animal person, well, I guess this post will mean little to you. For that I say, this dog has literally licked an uncountable array of tears from my cheeks and has snuggled me at my very lowest times. She is my family. She is apart of who I am. She's even been greatly therapeutic to my grandmother who suffers from a serious case of dementia. 

My heart is heavy and I'm still entirely too shaken up to even fathom writing about anything else. I know it isn't my normal light hearted post but I just can't. I'm hurting and I'm hurting badly. 

I hope you all can stick with me through this as I try to put in words what happened.

I was spending my Cinco de Mayo Sunday at the pool when I came home to a very different dog. A dog I've never met before. A dog who was shaking and panting, as opposed to a dog who was chanting in excitement at my entrance into the one bedroom apartment we reside in together. A dog who was backing herself into a corner and wouldn't touch her favorite treats.

I knew something was wrong. Horribly, horribly wrong.

This was a fear that flooded my every thought and emotion and it was like nothing I've ever experienced. 

My baby, my first born, the one thing that kept me from feeling homesick when I was 4 hours away in my first years of college... she was sick. Very sick. And it wasn't the type of sick I could cure with snuggles like in the past. 

Before I knew it, I was driving straight towards my worst nightmare.

Panting, shaking, Ella in my lap, en route to the emergency vet. A place I'd never wish upon my worst enemies. A place you only have to visit if one of the greatest friends in your life is truly ill. 

I could hardly see through the flood of saltwater streaming through my contacts but I knew I had to try my best to stay strong for the 7 pound ball of terrified, white, fluff I had laying nearly limp in my arms. 

Somewhere along the lines the nurse asked me to take Ella outside and try to get a urine sample from her, when I got said nearly impossible sample it was red. Blood red. 

My soul died. 

My heart started beating faster than I could keep track of and I was positive I was about to fall head first into that cold, hard surface they asked me to place my terrified and sick baby on.

Before I knew it, strangers in navy blue scrubs were scooping up my sweet, innocent, sick baby girl in their hands and taking her back into the depths of their office for further tests and X-rays. 

Really, I had no idea what to expect. 

My gut told me that my baby girl wasn't doing well and it was going to be a very, very long night.

After what felt like an eternity, I was taken into a back room and being introduced to an X-ray of my helpless seven pound Maltese who appeared to have a bladder overtaken by stones.

Cold, hard, unforgiving stones. Stones on a mission to block my baby's kidneys to the point of no return.

I never knew. I never suspected. I never thought my baby girl was anything other than healthy. Her behavior never, ever said anything out of the ordinary. 

I was so, so wrong. These stones had been building for months and months... and MONTHS. 

The next 10 minutes were, sort of, a blur for me.

All I know is that I was told the stones needed to come out FAST and I could either opt for that moment or get them taken out the next morning. 

I opted for that moment. Because I wanted those disgusting stones to stop hurting my girl as soon as fucking possible. If I could have removed them with my own two hands I would have. 

Surgery happened that night. Sunday night.

Somewhere around 3am in the morning my baby got cut open and within that hour around 30 stones were removed from her tiny, little bladder. 

When they told me this, approximately 3 hours after the stones were removed, I threw up 3 inches from the nurse's shoes and was fed sugar water because the pale white color of my face convinced them I was about to faint. 

I was pretty sure I was about to faint, if I'm being honest here.
I'm a pretty balanced person like that, I guess.

Once I came back to life, the cold sweats subsided, and the room stopped spinning, it sunk in that my girl was ok. The stones were all gone, she was in recovery, and two weeks from now she will be like new.

At this moment, I'm just thankful.

I'm thankful that my girl is so strong and was able to make it through such a procedure. 

I am BEYOND lucky that this baby girl is still awake, alive, and in my life today.

I am BEYOND lucky that I can look over to my right and hear the soft sighs, and little grunts, of my little fighter as her tiny body heals while she sleeps.

She's healing and she's healing peacefully, on my watch. 

Thank God for that.

For now, well, I just hope no one else asks me how I'm doing while roaming the ice cream isle of Publix for some frozen sugar to cushion the pain I'm feeling. 

I suppose I should also express my apologies to that innocent stranger who was just trying to be kind.

He got an ear full, to say the least. My bad. Don't ask a girl wearing yoga pants and a baggy t-shirt, who has bags the size of Texas under her eyes, how she's doing. Moral of that story.

Like I said, I'm a very balanced person. Obviously.

Anyways, go snuggle your babies extra tight today. You just never know what could happen.


Huge thanks to all of the well wishes and those of you who have been checking on Ella and I. Really, I can't express how thankful I am to have such an amazing support system to help my Ella girl and I get through this nightmare.


And to Ricci, you have no idea how much this touched me. Thank you so much!

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On the Catwalk

Monday, 6 May 2013

Last month we went to Washington DC so Kayla could audition for the Global Down Syndrome Foundation's Be Beautiful Be Yourself Gala.

This week we'll be back in DC as Kayla was selected to be one of the models  to participate in the fashion show at the Gala!

Here is an article from Michelle Sie Whitten, mother of a daughter with Down syndrome, and the Executive Director of the GDSF: Models Change Perception.

I'm so excited to attend this event with her. She's been telling everyone she's going to be in a fashion show. This will be her first experience 'on the catwalk' so I'm crossing my fingers that all goes well!

 

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The Fashion Blogger is Back

Well my friends, it happened again. And no, I'm not talking about waking up on my bathroom floor on seis de Mayo again.
I know at least one of you were thinking that.

Today I get to play fashion blogger again.
Except, once again, I suck at being a fashion blogger. Hence, I am not one.

Anywhoodlums, I was sent a scarf from Barnabus Clothing Company to "style" and, well, I went with jeans and a tank top. Because that's what you do when you have a degree in fashion.

Something else you also do when you have a degree in fashion is get confused by an infinity scarf. Because that may, or may not, have happened when I received my scarf initially. Easy mistake, no?

Awkward Whitty trying to be a fashion blogger in 5.... 4.... 3.... 2......

A pretty cool thing about this company is that they donate 10% of all of their sales to a hospice and medical center for HIV/AIDS in Western Kenya, so when you're shopping with them you're doing a good thing!

They gave me this 20% discount code to share with you friends: BS2012-20
For more information on the company you can follow along on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.


Also, here are some other things you can do with an infinity scarf.
Just call me Fashionista Farrah:

Make sure you check out these other fabulous ladies and how they styled their scarfs.
Something tells me they're all a lot better at this than me.

Aunie Sauce

Pink on the Cheek

Olive and Ivy('s mama)

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Venus Trapped In Mars

Saturday, 4 May 2013

You are in for a real treat today, my friends.
As if it wasn't already exciting that it's officialy Cinco de Drinko weekend, Sarah from Venus Trapped in Mars is here today to answer some questions.

1. Why did you start blogging? 

I've always wanted to be a big shot. So one day I started brainstorming ways in which I had the skills to become a big shot. Fashion - no. Cooking- no. DIY- no. Parenting- not gonna happen. Tailgating, drinking, football/baseball/basketball watching - YES! So Venus Trapped in Mars was born. I'm probably the girliest sports fan you will ever meet so I knew I could help my girlfriends learn more about the sports they were tailgating for.

 Hoping that "big shot" status comes any day now.

 2. If your blog was a football team, what song would they come out on the field to? 

 Wipe Me Down by the lyrical genius Lil Boosie.  Pull up at the club VIP gas tank on E but all the drinks on me Fresh kicks, Fresh white tall Tee.

 Yeah. That song.

 3. If you could be any alcoholic beverage, what would it be?

 Tequila. It would be nice to turn the tables and watch other people dry heave cry, pick fights with their dear friends, act bat shit crazy and then throw up in the hallway of the Journalism and Electronic Media building the next morning.

 4. You're the queen of drinking games (which I love, by the way), if you had to make one up for reading my blog and/or any of my social media outlets, what would it be?

Just go see this post, if you haven't already.
Then prepare to play all day.

 5. First thing that comes to mind when you think of NeNe Leakes.  

 Queen of the GIFs

 6. How do you feel about the Florida State Seminoles? (choose your words wisely... muah ha haa)  

This is about to be one of those times you ask a grandparent a simple question that requires just a one or two word answer and they proceed with their autobiography. But I paid GOOD money to take over this blog today so just sit and listen, people.

When I was 8 I walked into the gym at Midlothian Middle School. There were two tables set up. To the left was the cheerleading sign up, to the right, basketball. My dad said I could pick what I wanted to do. That really meant, if you don't choose basketball I'm putting you up for adoption. So I chose basketball for fear of becoming little orphan Annie. Well ever since that day, I wanted to be a cheerleader. I envied the girls wearing Soffe shorts every day of their life. Snowing? Soffe shorts. Raining? Soffe shorts. Swimming? Soffe shorts. My dad would never let me buy Soffe shorts because he thought they were inappropriate. Well one day, while shopping at Goodwill with my mom (not that far off from Orphan Annie) I spotted a pair of garnet colored Soffe shorts and darted off to check them out. On the butt read NOLES in big block gold letters. I had no idea what NOLES meant, but you bet your bottom dollar (hah) that I bought those shorts and wore them every single day that summer.

 So yes, I like Florida State for letting me live the cheerleading dream, if only for one summer.



Is she not the greatest thing since dick wine in a box? The answer to that is abso-freaking-lutely.
Make sure you follow her on the Twitter machine. Homegirl is funnnnny.

One last thing about Sarah... she's a crazy awesome blog designer. Check out her designs and such HERE!

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Tell God

Friday, 3 May 2013

Homework with Kayla can be frustrating. When I start to read over her textbooks and explain new concepts and vocabulary words to her, she tunes me out. Completely. She'll carry on with another conversation, be distracted by every single thing, and avoid whatever I'm talking about. I ask her a question about something I just read and she looks at me as if she has no idea what I'm talking about. She didn't hear a word I said. I'm left feeling like I was talking to the wall.

Monday didn't start off too well. I looked in her daily planner and immediately felt overwhelmed.
- Do Math problems on 4 pages
- Probability Quiz tomorrow
- Sound Study Guide
- Reconstruction Study Guide
- Reconstruction Test tomorrow

How was I ever going to get through all the homework and review for the quiz and test they were taking the next day?

Needless to say it didn't take long for the frustrations to set in. To be fair it wasn't all her fault...it was my own frustration at being overwhelmed with all I was attempting to get done with her.

At one point, when I was getting beyond frustrated at talking to the wall, but wanted to keep my cool, I clasped my hands together and took several deep breaths to calm down. Then I just started talking out loud, "Oh please dear God, please help me with this. Please give me the patience I need. I seriously need some patience. I can't get through homework time like this. Please help me to have some patience."

(*Side note: I don't think you will ever, ever, hear me claim that having a child with special needs has taught me the great lesson of patience. It's been almost 10 years and that lesson continues to elude me. I wish I could be one of those parents who say parenting a child with special needs has taught them to be more patient, but I would be lying. I fully admit to that character flaw- being impatient).

Both kids stopped what they were doing and just stared at me. Since I now seemed to have Kayla's full attention and her eyes on me, I continued to ask her the question about the Emancipation Proclamation I had been trying to ask her. And that was, 'Who did the Emancipation Proclamation free?' and she said, "Slaves." and I screamed in excitement, "Yes! That's right! The slaves!" and I was happy and smiling and laughing and praised her for retaining that information (we hadn't reviewed the Civil War recently as we were now on the Reconstruction of SC, so I was happy when I went back to something from the Civil War that she remembered it.)

We finished up SC History and took a break. A while later we were back at the table going at it again and getting somewhere. She was focused and paying attention and answering questions. Then Joe came home. The kids jumped up from the table to greet him at the door. As Kayla did this I yelled out, "No! Kayla I don't want to lose you!" (Meaning, of course, her concentration). It took me several minutes of trying to talk her back to the table and me lamenting, "Great, now I've lost you."

The next night we were eating dinner when Joe got home from work. The kids again jumped up from the table. This time, as Kayla started to get up from her chair she put her hand on my leg and very gently said to me, "Don't lose me. You don't lose me Mom. I be right back."

Yesterday Kayla was getting ready for school and was fixated on the fingernail polish that had come off one of her nails. I was trying to keep her on her routine and reminding her to go to the bathroom so she could brush her teeth and then get dressed. She kept focusing on the nail polish. I tried acknowledging it and told her I would reapply after school. She wanted it done then. I told her there wasn't time. I kept telling her to go to the bathroom. She kept pointing out the missing nail polish on her finger. Back and forth we went. I wanted to scream out, "JUST GO TO THE BATHROOM ALREADY!" (*See above about patience).

I didn't yell though. I once again clasped my hands together to avoid pulling my hair out, took a couple of deep breaths, and turned my back on her. I was hoping if I stopped nagging her about using the bathroom and didn't pay attention to her she would just go to the bathroom.

Instead she broke the tension with, "Tell God, Mom, tell God."

 

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