Wednesday, 29 February 2012
Tuesday, 28 February 2012
Will, We, or Wii
I got this message from Kayla's teacher last week.
Ha! I can see how she would glance at the word 'will' and see 'Wii' instead!
"Today I was working on some sight words with Kayla. We got to the word 'will'. At first she said 'we'. I gave her a funny look. So she said “I like to play Wii”."
Ha! I can see how she would glance at the word 'will' and see 'Wii' instead!
Sunday, 26 February 2012
Luke 14 Banquet
On Valentine's Day Healing Farms Ministries and Seacoast Church held a Luke 14 Banquet. The invitation said it was for families with special needs (remember those perks?) who were to be treated to a night of dinner and dancing and fun. It described this event as Red Carpet event. It sounded like a fun night so I signed us up to attend.
Little did I know that they literally meant red carpet event. As we pulled in to the parking lot we saw the red carpet from the sidewalk to the front door. It was lined with volunteers on each side all dressed up in red dresses and shirts and slacks.
When the families walked this red carpet the volunteers lining it cheered and clapped and several snapped photographs. I wish I had been prepared to have my camera out taking pictures of what was going on! I wish we had a moment to stop and stand together as a family for a picture on this red carpet ... but Kayla was off with an escort about 3 feet in front of us! She was loving all the attention. (I'm going to have to see if I can track down any of the photographs from that night!)
We were served a catered dinner from Sticky Fingers and someone even brought gluten-free cookies for dessert (along with 'regular' cake and cupcakes that were available.)
Kayla was the first one out on the dance floor when the music started. She danced and twirled by herself on the dance floor; totally in the moment. Watching her I couldn't help but think of the lyrics from the song I Hope You Dance by Lee Ann Womack. "And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance. I hope you dance."
They also had someone there doing photography in a type of 'photo booth' set-up with props. You could do silly family pictures if you wanted ... which we did! The print out we were given is pretty small - it has 3 photos, duplicated twice, on one sheet. So the following are pictures I took of the picture and the quality isn't that great - but you get the idea. Overall I love how these turned out.
And finally I wanted to get one family picture of us all decked out, but it was the end of the night and the kids were tired and done....but we still attempted a quick photo; which also didn't turn out too bad.
It was a fun night and I'm glad we had the opportunity to attend.
Little did I know that they literally meant red carpet event. As we pulled in to the parking lot we saw the red carpet from the sidewalk to the front door. It was lined with volunteers on each side all dressed up in red dresses and shirts and slacks.
When the families walked this red carpet the volunteers lining it cheered and clapped and several snapped photographs. I wish I had been prepared to have my camera out taking pictures of what was going on! I wish we had a moment to stop and stand together as a family for a picture on this red carpet ... but Kayla was off with an escort about 3 feet in front of us! She was loving all the attention. (I'm going to have to see if I can track down any of the photographs from that night!)
We were served a catered dinner from Sticky Fingers and someone even brought gluten-free cookies for dessert (along with 'regular' cake and cupcakes that were available.)
Kayla was the first one out on the dance floor when the music started. She danced and twirled by herself on the dance floor; totally in the moment. Watching her I couldn't help but think of the lyrics from the song I Hope You Dance by Lee Ann Womack. "And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance. I hope you dance."
They also had someone there doing photography in a type of 'photo booth' set-up with props. You could do silly family pictures if you wanted ... which we did! The print out we were given is pretty small - it has 3 photos, duplicated twice, on one sheet. So the following are pictures I took of the picture and the quality isn't that great - but you get the idea. Overall I love how these turned out.
It was a fun night and I'm glad we had the opportunity to attend.
Friday, 24 February 2012
Thursday, 23 February 2012
Dear Lucas
You are four today. FOUR. You've been asking if today is your birthday since Christmas was over! "Now is it my birthday?"
I feel like after having kids I realize the truth in the statement that "the days are long, but the years are short." You are turning in to this amazing kid and I want to freeze time and remember you in this moment, but I know that's not possible. I want to capture, with words, what you are like and how your personality is and all the things that come out of your mouth. But I'm not an eloquent writer. But there are so many things I want to remember.
There was a day, shortly after you turned 3, I think, that I got out of the shower and you brought me an opened granola bar. I wondered where that came from and how you opened it. When I went to the kitchen I saw you had pulled a chair up to the counter and helped yourself in the cabinet. Then I noticed 3 wrappers on the counter...and the scissors. Yikes! Your problem solving-skills in figuring out how to open those wrappers! I said, "Lucas! You ate THREE granola bars?!" You quickly pointed out, "No! I had two! I gave you one."
You have such a curious spirit about you and love to learn about the world around you. I read somewhere recently that the average 4-yr old asks about 400 questions a day. Yeah, I think that sums you up. I don't think I've said, "I don't know" so often before as I do in this stage of my (your) life. Why, why, why, what, what, what. "Mom why is the moon full tonight?" My answer, "I don't know Lucas, why don't you ask it?" Lucas, in a deep voice, "Moon, why are you full? Mom he said because he wants to be." Sounds like as good of an answer as any!
I love the emerging independence you have. Some mornings you wake up earlier than I'd like and before I'm ready to crawl out from under my covers. It used to be that you'd come in my room and I'd pull you in to bed with me. Sometimes you'd fall back to sleep and other times you would be restless and keep asking, "Is it wake-up time yet?" Then you figured out it was easier to just not come in my room anymore...so instead you come downstairs and shut my door. (and I would think, how sweet, he's letting me 'sleep in' - which, I imagine, you get from your dad doing that on the weekends.)
During those mornings when you close my door you quietly entertain yourself in the living room/dining room area. You don't get in to anything you shouldn't and no more climbing on chairs to reach snacks (or scissors!). You'll get on the computer and go to Starfall, or PBSKids.com or play Reader Rabbit. Some mornings you sit at the table and color, or do puzzles (you had the table covered one morning when I came in to the kitchen).
And the things that make me laugh - me, calling upstairs 4 or 5x, "Lucas!" and being greeted with complete silence. One more time I called out, "Lucas, can you hear me?" Finally you responded, "No!"
"Mom are you going to watch Boston tonight?" I tell you "Umm...I don't think so..." and you said, "Well, think!"
And how did you come up with this one? You and Kayla were cleaning up and I heard you say, "Kayla, can you clean up cause my neck is hurting. I need a drink of water."
You can hear the mail truck coming just as if it were the ice cream truck! Your routine is to run outside and greet the 'mail lady' at our mailbox and wait for her to hand you our mail. She's told me seeing you there makes her day.
Awhile ago you started calling me 'mom' more often than 'mommy' and I have to admit it made me a little sad. I wasn't ready for that transition! You walk in to the room and say, "Hey Mom!" and you just sound so much older than your years when you do that. I wish I could keep you little, but I can't.
The other day I held you in my arms and lap, rocking you. It won't be long before I can't do that anymore. I half-pretended to be sad telling you that you weren't going to be 3 for much longer and I wasn't ready for you to be 4. You gave me a hug and said, "Don't be sad." When I asked why I couldn't be sad you said, "Because I hugged you." Well how could I be sad after that?
sell me a sand trap and tell me you're floating
That's my preamble. My amble is multifold:
—One book I really think might spook you in the best long-winter-of-the-soul way is a book of poems by Mr. Edward Mullany called If I Falter at the Gallows
—Hope to see you soon in Boston, DC, Chicago, New York, and/or Richmond. Check out the list to the right to see where you can find me and tell me nothing I write will ever be as good as The Adventures and Misadventures of Maqroll and how annoying my beard is.
—Many thanks to Chester College for having me visit and talk to people and read some work. So many fun and smart people there. I really dig the whole tender-hearted art freak sleepaway in the forest vibe. New Hampshire! You are full of surprises. Tender thanks owed to a lot of people, especially Mark and Laura for their instigating and adventuring, and the awesome faculty at Chester (Monica, Chris, Tim, Jenn) for their woodsy alchemy. I did a little video poem thing for Chester's "In Place" series while I was there. They wouldn't let me stand on the backhoe, but I did get to work with a guy named Kyle Petty. He wasn't the race car driver, but he was very handy. Meg Cameron recorded the sound and helped me make sure I didn't eat the microphone. The poem is called "Can We Get Ice Cream at This Hour" (thanks again to Mark and Laura for originally running it in Big Lucks!) and you can watch it by clicking on some triangles:
08 - Mike Young - Can We Get Ice Cream At This Hour? from In Place on Vimeo.
Wednesday, 22 February 2012
Tuesday, 21 February 2012
Lucas-isms - Smiles in my Day
"? + 3 = 5? Ok Lucas we have to count to see how many it takes to get to 5. So we start from 3 and see how many more make 5. Three...now four...five. So how many do we need to make 5?" Lucas, "A full hand!"
"Lucas come on we've got to run to the commissary." Lucas, "You're not going to park there?" I was a little confused wondering what he meant, so I told him, "Yes I'm going to drive and park there." Then he said, "No you said we going to run there!"
Flipping through a magazine I saw a picture of blueberries and pointed them out to Lucas, "Look Lucas, your favorite- blueberries!" He responded in a hopeful voice, "Are they on sale?!"
I was eating a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch and Lucas asked me "Why do you have crackers in there?"
Joe and Lucas were driving back from lunch at Chick Fil A when Lucas said he wanted to go to Rita's. Joe told him they weren't going there because they just had ice cream at CFA. Lucas said, "I didn't say I wanted ice cream. I just said I wanted to go to Rita's!"
Kayla singing in the van and Lucas says, "too loud!" I said, "she's not that loud." Lucas, "but my ears and forehead are hurting."
Lucas and I were in Kayla's bed waiting for her to get ready for bed. I told him he wasn't sleeping in her bed though and he said, "why? I want to." Me, "No you each have your own beds, you need your own space to sleep." Lucas, "One time can you stay in my bed until I wake up?" Me, "no we all have to sleep in our beds so we have our own space." Lucas, "you and daddy don't have your own space."
"Mom someone said shut-up in Rolly Pollies." Me, "Again?" (Because he told me that on Tues). Lucas, "No I just wanted to say it twice." I'm trying to figure out if he wanted to say 'shut-up' twice or if he meant he just wanted to tell me twice.
His latest thing when he wants you to watch something he's doing; if you only give a short glance or he can tell you're not completely focused on watching him, he'll say, "Watch my whole self!"
"Lucas come on we've got to run to the commissary." Lucas, "You're not going to park there?" I was a little confused wondering what he meant, so I told him, "Yes I'm going to drive and park there." Then he said, "No you said we going to run there!"
Flipping through a magazine I saw a picture of blueberries and pointed them out to Lucas, "Look Lucas, your favorite- blueberries!" He responded in a hopeful voice, "Are they on sale?!"
I was eating a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch and Lucas asked me "Why do you have crackers in there?"
Joe and Lucas were driving back from lunch at Chick Fil A when Lucas said he wanted to go to Rita's. Joe told him they weren't going there because they just had ice cream at CFA. Lucas said, "I didn't say I wanted ice cream. I just said I wanted to go to Rita's!"
Kayla singing in the van and Lucas says, "too loud!" I said, "she's not that loud." Lucas, "but my ears and forehead are hurting."
Lucas and I were in Kayla's bed waiting for her to get ready for bed. I told him he wasn't sleeping in her bed though and he said, "why? I want to." Me, "No you each have your own beds, you need your own space to sleep." Lucas, "One time can you stay in my bed until I wake up?" Me, "no we all have to sleep in our beds so we have our own space." Lucas, "you and daddy don't have your own space."
"Mom someone said shut-up in Rolly Pollies." Me, "Again?" (Because he told me that on Tues). Lucas, "No I just wanted to say it twice." I'm trying to figure out if he wanted to say 'shut-up' twice or if he meant he just wanted to tell me twice.
His latest thing when he wants you to watch something he's doing; if you only give a short glance or he can tell you're not completely focused on watching him, he'll say, "Watch my whole self!"
Sunday, 19 February 2012
Wendy's Wonderful Kids
“Wear” the Beef with Wendy’s Retro Style T-shirts to
Make a Difference for Foster Children
WHAT: How can you make a difference? Let us count the ways. Now Wendy’s® is giving you two easy ways to support children in foster care:
- Get creative by designing your own T-shirt on WendyThreads Design Studio, a new Facebook app where you can mix and match graphics and colors to create a unique tee. The grand prize winners will receive $5,000 and have his or her shirts sold to benefit Wendy’s Wonderful Kids™, the signature program of the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption™.
- Through March 31st, purchase the bright yellow vintage-style T-shirt that regained popularity in last year’s “Where’s the Beef?” TV commercial for $20 at http://www.wendys.com/shirt/.* A portion of the proceeds will go to the DTFA to benefit its signature program, Wendy’s Wonderful Kids.
*T-shirts are being sold and produced by The Marco Corporation. Access their site via Wendys.com.
WHEN: Wendy’s is calling on all fans to rock the chain’s retro-style T-shirts through purchase from The Marco Corporation on Wendys.com and fan-created tees through a Facebook design contest, WendyThreads. On the online contest, fans can submit their designs through February 29th, when they will then be put to a vote, with the top 10 styles reviewed by celebrity judges Trey Songz, Erin Andrews and Whitney Port. The celebrity judges will select three grand prize winners to receive $5,000 and have his or her T-shirts produced and sold by Homage LLC. Wendy’s will donate $4.25 from each shirt sold to benefit children in foster care. The winning T-shirts from the Facebook contest and the retro tees will be available for purchase until March 31.
WHY: Your support will help 137,000 children in foster care in North America find permanent loving homes through adoption. More information about Wendy’s Wonderful Kids and the Wendy’s Company listed below.
About Wendy’s Wonderful Kids
Wendy’s Wonderful Kids finds permanent adoptive homes for foster children, many of whom have waited years to join a family. To date, Wendy’s Wonderful Kids has awarded more than $7 million in grants to adoption agencies and organizations, and those funds have been used to find permanent adoptive families for more than 2,200 foster care children – and counting.
Thursday, 16 February 2012
Military Spouse of the Year
Jeremy Hilton was just recently named/voted the Air Force Spouse of the Year. Now the winners from the other branches of service (Army, Navy, Marines, and Coast Guard) are competing for the Military Spouse of the Year.
Besides being an Air Force spouse, Jeremy is a Navy veteran and father of two; one of whom has disabilities.
I'm asking you to please take a few moments to vote for Jeremy (you don't have to be military to vote - anyone can vote!) and here is why in his own words:
"I advocate for all military families impacted by a disability. I advocate to senior leadership in the Air Force and DoD, within the Congress and at the White House on a wide range of issues, including respite care, education and Medicaid issues. I worked with Congressional staffers on a concept to institute feedback from military families to DoD on exceptional family member issues. This was recently passed in the 2011 National Defense Authorization Act and established as the new Military Exceptional Family Member Panel. A current issue I’m working on is HR 2288, the “Caring for Military Kids with Autism Act.”
Jeremy has been instrumental in helping to bring changes to the military's Exceptional Family Member Program (for families with any type of special needs/disabilities).
I had the pleasure of meeting Jeremy and hearing him (and 2 other fathers) give a briefing on special needs to the Military Family Caucus. Military families like my own need someone like Jeremy to be an advocate in D.C.
Check out the rest of Jeremy's bio, and the video featuring military kids who have special needs (Kayla has a cameo!) and please vote! You do have to register but it is quick and easy, and again, you don't have to be military to vote!
Thank you!
Besides being an Air Force spouse, Jeremy is a Navy veteran and father of two; one of whom has disabilities.
I'm asking you to please take a few moments to vote for Jeremy (you don't have to be military to vote - anyone can vote!) and here is why in his own words:
"I advocate for all military families impacted by a disability. I advocate to senior leadership in the Air Force and DoD, within the Congress and at the White House on a wide range of issues, including respite care, education and Medicaid issues. I worked with Congressional staffers on a concept to institute feedback from military families to DoD on exceptional family member issues. This was recently passed in the 2011 National Defense Authorization Act and established as the new Military Exceptional Family Member Panel. A current issue I’m working on is HR 2288, the “Caring for Military Kids with Autism Act.”
Jeremy has been instrumental in helping to bring changes to the military's Exceptional Family Member Program (for families with any type of special needs/disabilities).
I had the pleasure of meeting Jeremy and hearing him (and 2 other fathers) give a briefing on special needs to the Military Family Caucus. Military families like my own need someone like Jeremy to be an advocate in D.C.
Check out the rest of Jeremy's bio, and the video featuring military kids who have special needs (Kayla has a cameo!) and please vote! You do have to register but it is quick and easy, and again, you don't have to be military to vote!
Thank you!
Wednesday, 15 February 2012
Tuesday, 14 February 2012
"Hummingbird And Blue Jay"
"Hummingbird And Blue Jay"
She can run for miles.
She can move all day.
She can fly for hours.
I'd give chase forever.
She shines in sunlight.
She sparkles in the shade.
The brightest sight God ever made.
Her luster never fades.
I flail.
Wings flap til weary.
I fail.
Wide eyes become teary.
Yet another somber day
That she isn't near me.
There has to be a way.
I truly want her dearly.
I can hear God's Angels sing
Every time she flaps her wings.
I'm left to manage rosy cheeks
Every time she parts her beak.
But my eyes still leak
And my strides deplete
And my wings get weak…
…but my heart still speaks.
I watch in awe as she flutters
Whilst my days decrease in number.
Some days are spent wondering why;
But every time, I trust a try.
Every day she passes by
Grants me the will to fly.
I follow through the darkest depths
and even where it seems too high.
Far be it for me
To give up on what I see.
This degree of affinity
Is crystal clear to me.
She is divinity.
My fond memory.
Daily mystery.
Nightly serenity.
My springtime majesty.
Perched high above the litany
Of squandering swallows and ducks
That can't hold a twig for me.
She is my shining vision.
Her wings hum like harps.
The envy of every pigeon
That wished they were as sharp.
But what is given to he
Who chases symmetry
Only to remain outlined in misery?
This is my tragedy.
My greatest travesty.
I guess it must prove true
That I'm destined be as blue
As this coat that houses my hue.
I recall the day
When it became too much.
She was so far away.
I just wanted her touch.
She didn't stay very long.
I listened to her song.
She glistened in the wind.
Our embrace closer than friends…
…thats where this begins…
…I don't want it to end…
…but my wings need to mend…
…is there some strength to lend?
She can run for miles.
I'll endure the trials.
I'll withstand the wiles.
I'll just heal awhile.
She can move all day.
Try as I may,
I will find a way.
I'll push through the fray.
She can fly for hours.
I will find the power.
I will navigate these showers.
I'll climb the highest tower.
I'll deal with the weather.
Nothing will cleave these feathers.
One day, we'll be together.
I'd give chase forever.
Written By: Devin Joseph Metz
For You, Hummingbird.
Monday, 13 February 2012
Exerting Her Will
Kayla went to the bathroom to brush her teeth before bed and saw that Joe had already put the toothpaste on her toothbrush for her. She was not happy.
A very indignant-sounding Kayla said, "I don't want the blue one! I want the pink one!" She was referring to the color of the toothpaste. She wanted the tube of toothpaste that is in the downstairs bathroom.
We both told her the toothpaste was "...already on your toothbrush so just brush your teeth." Usually that might get one or two more half-hearted protests from Kayla and then she would brush her teeth, although not happily.
That's how it is with most things with Kayla. She'll protest about something...and then usually acquiesce to what we wanted her to do. She doesn't put up a lot of fight, she doesn't have melt-downs for not getting her way, she doesn't throw a temper tantrum. She usually goes with the flow.
Well this night she surprised me with her determination to not give in to brushing her teeth with the blue toothpaste. That was not what she wanted and she was not going to brush her teeth with it. But she also knew we weren't going downstairs to get the other toothpaste and we weren't going to let her go get it either.
So the wheels must've been turning. The problem-solving, logical, calculating, thinking skills came out.
She didn't say another word, just turned the water on and let it run for several seconds. Then she turned it off.
Then we heard her call out from the bathroom, "There. No more blue toothpaste. Ha-Ha. There's just water on it now." Then the sound of her electric toothbrush could be heard.
She turned on the water and held her toothbrush under the faucet until it rinsed away all that blue toothpaste.
Oh how I laughed. And laughed even harder at the sound of her ha-ha - said in a sing-song, teasing, I-figured-out-how-to-get-my-way tone of voice.
Not that I encourage deviousness in my kids; but I gotta admit ... I loved it. I loved what she did and what she said. She was being a little devious. She was exerting her will. She was being clever. And independent. And even sneaky. (And it reminded me of the time she did this with her backpack in preschool.)
And it was all so typical-like.
A very indignant-sounding Kayla said, "I don't want the blue one! I want the pink one!" She was referring to the color of the toothpaste. She wanted the tube of toothpaste that is in the downstairs bathroom.
We both told her the toothpaste was "...already on your toothbrush so just brush your teeth." Usually that might get one or two more half-hearted protests from Kayla and then she would brush her teeth, although not happily.
That's how it is with most things with Kayla. She'll protest about something...and then usually acquiesce to what we wanted her to do. She doesn't put up a lot of fight, she doesn't have melt-downs for not getting her way, she doesn't throw a temper tantrum. She usually goes with the flow.
Well this night she surprised me with her determination to not give in to brushing her teeth with the blue toothpaste. That was not what she wanted and she was not going to brush her teeth with it. But she also knew we weren't going downstairs to get the other toothpaste and we weren't going to let her go get it either.
So the wheels must've been turning. The problem-solving, logical, calculating, thinking skills came out.
She didn't say another word, just turned the water on and let it run for several seconds. Then she turned it off.
Then we heard her call out from the bathroom, "There. No more blue toothpaste. Ha-Ha. There's just water on it now." Then the sound of her electric toothbrush could be heard.
She turned on the water and held her toothbrush under the faucet until it rinsed away all that blue toothpaste.
Oh how I laughed. And laughed even harder at the sound of her ha-ha - said in a sing-song, teasing, I-figured-out-how-to-get-my-way tone of voice.
Not that I encourage deviousness in my kids; but I gotta admit ... I loved it. I loved what she did and what she said. She was being a little devious. She was exerting her will. She was being clever. And independent. And even sneaky. (And it reminded me of the time she did this with her backpack in preschool.)
And it was all so typical-like.
Friday, 10 February 2012
How Many Hands?
Yesterday I found a draft post I had completely forgotten about. It was perfect timing considering my speech and language differences post I just blogged about.
Kayla has a bad habit of taking more than enough paper towels when she uses the bathroom. She will grab one right after the other and just wad them in a ball and dab her hands; not even really drying them. I've been trying to get her to realize she doesn't need so many.
One day Kayla had pulled 2 paper towels out of the dispenser when I stopped her from grabbing a 3rd. I asked her, "Kayla how many hands do you have?" fully expecting her to answer with "two" so I could say, "and you only need 2 paper towels."
However, she was one step ahead of me and caught me off guard when she answered, "Three!"
I had to laugh at her answer as it was certainly not what I was expecting!
Kayla has a bad habit of taking more than enough paper towels when she uses the bathroom. She will grab one right after the other and just wad them in a ball and dab her hands; not even really drying them. I've been trying to get her to realize she doesn't need so many.
One day Kayla had pulled 2 paper towels out of the dispenser when I stopped her from grabbing a 3rd. I asked her, "Kayla how many hands do you have?" fully expecting her to answer with "two" so I could say, "and you only need 2 paper towels."
However, she was one step ahead of me and caught me off guard when she answered, "Three!"
I had to laugh at her answer as it was certainly not what I was expecting!
Thursday, 9 February 2012
Some Days I Need This
There are many days I need to read this ...
If I Had My Child to Raise Over Again
by Diane Loomans
If I had my child to raise all over again,
I'd build self esteem first, and the house later.
I'd fingerpaint more, and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I would care to know less and know to care more.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I'd do more hugging and less tugging.
I'd see the oak tree in the acorn more often.
I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.
I'd model less about the love of power,
And more about the power of love.
If I Had My Child to Raise Over Again
by Diane Loomans
If I had my child to raise all over again,
I'd build self esteem first, and the house later.
I'd fingerpaint more, and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I would care to know less and know to care more.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I'd do more hugging and less tugging.
I'd see the oak tree in the acorn more often.
I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.
I'd model less about the love of power,
And more about the power of love.
Wednesday, 8 February 2012
"The Last Resort(Suicide Watch)"
"The Last Resort(Suicide Watch)"
I won't close my eyes.
I've no regrets.
I've every single reason
to employ these means.
It only lingers for a season;
so why briskly flee the scene?
This is the grand scheme.
This is where we're at:
A long road of swift souls
lost in a twisting path;
but we can find our way.
Don't let me rue the day
that everything is snatched away
because of words we didn't say.
I won't bite my tongue.
I've more words left.
If I had reason to lie,
you would never see my eyes.
If deceit was my mission,
I wouldn't need ambition.
If I aimed for confusion,
then I would feed you illusions;
leaving you to fret
over what you don't know yet.
Truth hurts; but I'll take it.
Time is scarce; but I'll make it.
We don't care; so we fake it.
Clothe my soul. I feel naked.
Time consumed,
in my room,
wondering where did love go.
Not just ours.
Minds devoured this prize
Unknown wisdom to the demise of our lives.
Together ;
In depth streams of schemes
To be left unseen ;
through the truth.
There is no surprise.
All has been set.
Truth refuses to hide away.
You assign it to another day;
Only to feign fits of dismay
When your "patience" doesn't pay.
Is it really that unreal
When you allow old habits to stay
And hate the way it feels
Trying to pull frost from the fray?
You take this in stride.
This is not your best bet.
Complacency will shroud that soul.
It will simplify the process;
Letting you think you're on a roll
And withhold your lack of progress.
I give you this advice;
But I likely won't take it.
Hypocritical cloaks have a price;
So my soul may remain naked.
Naked my ass,
but of course that's what you'd want.
Stare at women with who don't even flaunt.
Excuses make inconceivable muses.
Diffuses situations in CONTEMPT.
I am held. Bound.
Drowning in your dismay.
Go away.
Please;
for I am growing angry.
Can't see,
Feel,
Heal,
is what you used to do
to me.
But i'm blind with your discomfort.
Can't see.
If you leave my side,
I won't object.
Don't get me wrong.
I also tire of this song;
But I pursue us for a reason;
Not just to stall or prolong.
I will not pretend
Or offer you stale amends
I think I should rescind.
Let's bring this to an end.
I release you from your bind.
I hope your needs are met.
I've tainted you far too much.
I've watched you wipe the stains.
Our love is reduced to grains
That washed within the rain.
No longer will you stammer
Through your fits of rage and pain
After I let this hammer
push this bullet through my brain.
A bullet of time
Tainted from your painted filth.
Dark strolls,
Long walks,
Uneven talks,
Who am I talking to?
I'll be more than glad
to pull the trigger for you;
But for whom?
You are someone else.
Must you deceive me
When I've weaved thee?
Made you into something great
Only to be filled with hate?
Leave me with sores?
After I off you,
I'll leave th(us) on the floor.
Please don't shiver, baby.
Pull that trigger, sweet lady.
Eviscerate my face.
Decorate the place.
Pick up the pace.
Make it quick.
Go ahead. Close the case.
I bet you think I'm sick.
All we've become is a wick.
No light remains to flicker.
One shot will do the trick.
I won't even flinch or quiver.
Have at it.
Punish my bad habits.
Purge what is left of we.
Go on, love. Be free.
Oh you're funny now.
Now you're ready to bow down?!
You make me fucking sick!
Where was this devotion
when I asked you to commit?!
You're full of shit!
I won't close my eyes.
I've no regrets…
There is no surprise.
All has been set…
Set up,
Sat down,
Cast aside with the pride.
If you leave my side,
I won't object…
I release you from your bind.
I hope your needs are met…
We can no longer be;
So I refuse to see
What would become of me.
Precious like porcelain.
Fancy like wood grain.
Colorful like glass stained.
But not as clear as window panes.
Nothing left to gain.
You're so pissed. You still cry.
I've caused you enough pain.
I'll squeeze the trigger. Goodbye.
Coward flees from seeing
seas of burnt trees.
I'm gone.
Written By: Evelyn Storm and Devin Joseph Metz
Tuesday, 7 February 2012
Speech & Language Differences
I know I shouldn't compare Kayla and Lucas. Even if Kayla didn't have Down syndrome you shouldn't compare your children. Although who really sticks to that? If you have more than one child don't you just naturally compare when one walked compared to the other? What age one child started speaking compared to the age your other child started speaking?
Maybe it's not so much that I'm comparing as it is that I'm just noticing the differences. And it's hard not to notice the differences. Things just seem to come so much easier to Lucas. And I guess by saying Lucas what I really mean is any typically-developing child. I feel like I haven't really had to teach him anything ... he just picks it up. He picks it up by figuring it out himself, by observing, by watching Kayla. I've always been amazed by his fine- and gross-motor skills, problem- and thinking skills, speech and language skills, memory, etc. And I'm not trying to imply that he's some uber-kid who is light years ahead of his peers - not at all. I'm sure he's pretty typical with his development. But that development just seems so obviously different than Kayla's development and how much more she has to work to learn things. How much more repetition she needs.
Over the past few months Lucas has been telling me an ongoing story about when he goes to Chicago and stays in his own hotel (stemming from our trip to Chicago a few months ago). He'll bring it up every once in awhile, especially when we're out shopping. He'll point to things and say, "I'm going to have this at my hotel in Chicago and this and this and this..." Even today when I picked him up from preschool he asked what I did and I told him I went to the grocery store. He started in again about when he gets to Chicago he's going to have to go shopping "at WalMart, Publix and CVS. Then we're going out to eat somewhere, but not in the hotel. Kayla's going to have chicken and I'm going to have chicken with A1 but ketchup for Kayla. And you can have a sandwich and daddy can too. And hmm what else? Green beans and the lellow (he still pronounces it that way) ones. And then I'm going to make soup for tomorrow. Soup with garbanzo beans because you like those kind in your soup. And sausage, but the sausage isn't going to be in the soup."
And he can just go on and on telling these elaborate stories. And I love listening to him and his imagination and his vocabulary.
In the back of some magazines there is usually a section about kids saying the funniest things, or kid bloopers (something to that affect) and it seems like almost every day Lucas says something I feel like I could send in.
It seems like there is this stark difference with the things Kayla says, or doesn't say. She doesn't often say things that make me shake my head and wonder just how did she come up with that? And sometimes that makes me sad. It makes me feel like I missed out on that part of childhood with her - that part where the most hilarious things come out of a child's mouth.
Of course I appreciate all those milestones she meets knowing how much harder they come ... but sometimes ... I wish they just weren't so hard.
Maybe it's not so much that I'm comparing as it is that I'm just noticing the differences. And it's hard not to notice the differences. Things just seem to come so much easier to Lucas. And I guess by saying Lucas what I really mean is any typically-developing child. I feel like I haven't really had to teach him anything ... he just picks it up. He picks it up by figuring it out himself, by observing, by watching Kayla. I've always been amazed by his fine- and gross-motor skills, problem- and thinking skills, speech and language skills, memory, etc. And I'm not trying to imply that he's some uber-kid who is light years ahead of his peers - not at all. I'm sure he's pretty typical with his development. But that development just seems so obviously different than Kayla's development and how much more she has to work to learn things. How much more repetition she needs.
Over the past few months Lucas has been telling me an ongoing story about when he goes to Chicago and stays in his own hotel (stemming from our trip to Chicago a few months ago). He'll bring it up every once in awhile, especially when we're out shopping. He'll point to things and say, "I'm going to have this at my hotel in Chicago and this and this and this..." Even today when I picked him up from preschool he asked what I did and I told him I went to the grocery store. He started in again about when he gets to Chicago he's going to have to go shopping "at WalMart, Publix and CVS. Then we're going out to eat somewhere, but not in the hotel. Kayla's going to have chicken and I'm going to have chicken with A1 but ketchup for Kayla. And you can have a sandwich and daddy can too. And hmm what else? Green beans and the lellow (he still pronounces it that way) ones. And then I'm going to make soup for tomorrow. Soup with garbanzo beans because you like those kind in your soup. And sausage, but the sausage isn't going to be in the soup."
And he can just go on and on telling these elaborate stories. And I love listening to him and his imagination and his vocabulary.
In the back of some magazines there is usually a section about kids saying the funniest things, or kid bloopers (something to that affect) and it seems like almost every day Lucas says something I feel like I could send in.
It seems like there is this stark difference with the things Kayla says, or doesn't say. She doesn't often say things that make me shake my head and wonder just how did she come up with that? And sometimes that makes me sad. It makes me feel like I missed out on that part of childhood with her - that part where the most hilarious things come out of a child's mouth.
Of course I appreciate all those milestones she meets knowing how much harder they come ... but sometimes ... I wish they just weren't so hard.
Monday, 6 February 2012
The Scrambled States of America
When I was searching for gifts this past Christmas I came across this book called The Scrambled States of America by Laurie Keller.
I noticed it has a 5-star rating, read a bunch of reviews about fun this book is and bought it for the kids. They both have been learning about Geography and I figured would be really interested in this book.
The gist of the book is that one morning Kansas wakes up grumpy. He's tired of being in the middle of nowhere and nothing happening. The states decide to throw a party. At the party they decide to all switch places so they can see somewhere new.
This book does not disappoint. I loved this book. I was laughing out loud at this book. I admit that I have a hard time reading children's books in a 'fun' way - with a voice over, or getting in to 'character'. I don't sound that interesting when I read. But with this book I found myself automatically changing my voice and really getting in to it based on the characters in the book and the characters given to the states. I especially loved all the side-captions. Laurie Keller brings a personality to each state and they are both humorous and realistic!
Kayla and Lucas really like this book as well. It kept their attention and they were really interested in it. Especially Lucas; he kept asking a lot of questions about the states and why this state said that and what was so funny about it.
This is the perfect description for the book, "Packed with madcap humor and whimsical illustrations, this quirky story-starring all fifty states-is chock-full of introductory facts and silly antics that will make learning geography as much fun as taking a vacation."
I also bought the Scrambled States board game. They needed quite a bit of help on this one (it is for ages 8 and up), but still thought it was fun trying to get all the states 'home.' (Although it's a little misleading as you are not actually placing the states back on a map where they belong.) But like anything - the more we play it the easier it'll get for them.
I definitely give this book 2-thumbs up; or 5-stars.
I noticed it has a 5-star rating, read a bunch of reviews about fun this book is and bought it for the kids. They both have been learning about Geography and I figured would be really interested in this book.
The gist of the book is that one morning Kansas wakes up grumpy. He's tired of being in the middle of nowhere and nothing happening. The states decide to throw a party. At the party they decide to all switch places so they can see somewhere new.
This book does not disappoint. I loved this book. I was laughing out loud at this book. I admit that I have a hard time reading children's books in a 'fun' way - with a voice over, or getting in to 'character'. I don't sound that interesting when I read. But with this book I found myself automatically changing my voice and really getting in to it based on the characters in the book and the characters given to the states. I especially loved all the side-captions. Laurie Keller brings a personality to each state and they are both humorous and realistic!
Kayla and Lucas really like this book as well. It kept their attention and they were really interested in it. Especially Lucas; he kept asking a lot of questions about the states and why this state said that and what was so funny about it.
This is the perfect description for the book, "Packed with madcap humor and whimsical illustrations, this quirky story-starring all fifty states-is chock-full of introductory facts and silly antics that will make learning geography as much fun as taking a vacation."
I also bought the Scrambled States board game. They needed quite a bit of help on this one (it is for ages 8 and up), but still thought it was fun trying to get all the states 'home.' (Although it's a little misleading as you are not actually placing the states back on a map where they belong.) But like anything - the more we play it the easier it'll get for them.
I definitely give this book 2-thumbs up; or 5-stars.
"Platonic Preservation: Emotional Deprivation"
"Platonic Preservation: Emotional Deprivation"
She asked me how it looks.
Of course, I said it's gorgeous.
Thing is, I really meant it.
I didn't plan or scheme it.
I doubt she even noticed.
No need for her to know this.
I'm not trying to grow this;
But I can't help but show this.
Blushes and light gasps
concealed within slight laughs,
struggling to withhold my frown
when I have to turn her down,
such enthusiastic smiles
when I sit and stay awhile.
Quaint conversing while traversing.
I could ride with her for miles.
Ah well.
A man can wish.
Skirts lay about her legs
like wrappers around chocolate.
If I stared any longer,
one would swear that I lost it.
Eyes locked on her dress.
I should digress;
but carefully selected words die
when truth lingers within the eyes.
Am I a jerk
for glancing at a short skirt?
Is that so crude?
Am I that rude?
Maybe I'm the dude
that she perceives as prude.
I may be too modest;
but I'm worse when honest.
I just can't be;
But a man will lust.
How does one speak their mind
with no risk of regret?
This solution may seem simple;
but I haven't found it yet.
Spending so much of my time
trying hard to resist.
I've no lease to expression;
so I struggle to desist.
She's confused.
I'm maligned.
Awkward silence protrudes.
We're lost in time.
There isn't much sublime
about a mind filled with tension.
When infatuation leaves you floored,
it gets harder to invoke ascension.
Maybe she isn't paying attention.
Why do I want her to?
Why do I take delight
in sitting around late at night
only to say that I can't stay
and have to reluctantly walk away?
What manner of friend am I
if I can't maintain my disguise?
History has consistently proven why
cloaks are worn by the wise.
I can't compromise our friendship;
but it's not fair to my feelings.
Comfort and choices rarely share kinship;
so it might not be worth revealing.
Besides, I know why I'm concealing.
It does stem from noble stances.
Things are great; so why take chances?
There will be no awkward advances.
Still in all, some part of me
really hopes that she can see.
I'm not concerned with what will be.
I just wonder what would be.
If this were a different time
and things weren't strewn and misplaced,
maybe then I'd share with her
that which I cannot give chase.
That would be nice.
Maybe she thinks so.
So much for that.
A man can wonder, though.
Written By: Devin Joseph Metz
She asked me how it looks.
Of course, I said it's gorgeous.
Thing is, I really meant it.
I didn't plan or scheme it.
I doubt she even noticed.
No need for her to know this.
I'm not trying to grow this;
But I can't help but show this.
Blushes and light gasps
concealed within slight laughs,
struggling to withhold my frown
when I have to turn her down,
such enthusiastic smiles
when I sit and stay awhile.
Quaint conversing while traversing.
I could ride with her for miles.
Ah well.
A man can wish.
Skirts lay about her legs
like wrappers around chocolate.
If I stared any longer,
one would swear that I lost it.
Eyes locked on her dress.
I should digress;
but carefully selected words die
when truth lingers within the eyes.
Am I a jerk
for glancing at a short skirt?
Is that so crude?
Am I that rude?
Maybe I'm the dude
that she perceives as prude.
I may be too modest;
but I'm worse when honest.
I just can't be;
But a man will lust.
How does one speak their mind
with no risk of regret?
This solution may seem simple;
but I haven't found it yet.
Spending so much of my time
trying hard to resist.
I've no lease to expression;
so I struggle to desist.
She's confused.
I'm maligned.
Awkward silence protrudes.
We're lost in time.
There isn't much sublime
about a mind filled with tension.
When infatuation leaves you floored,
it gets harder to invoke ascension.
Maybe she isn't paying attention.
Why do I want her to?
Why do I take delight
in sitting around late at night
only to say that I can't stay
and have to reluctantly walk away?
What manner of friend am I
if I can't maintain my disguise?
History has consistently proven why
cloaks are worn by the wise.
I can't compromise our friendship;
but it's not fair to my feelings.
Comfort and choices rarely share kinship;
so it might not be worth revealing.
Besides, I know why I'm concealing.
It does stem from noble stances.
Things are great; so why take chances?
There will be no awkward advances.
Still in all, some part of me
really hopes that she can see.
I'm not concerned with what will be.
I just wonder what would be.
If this were a different time
and things weren't strewn and misplaced,
maybe then I'd share with her
that which I cannot give chase.
That would be nice.
Maybe she thinks so.
So much for that.
A man can wonder, though.
Written By: Devin Joseph Metz
"Bodies"
"Bodies"
Left to think about
All the times that it went south
And the words we blurted out.
All we did was scream and shout.
All that would elude my mouth
Short of rum and lifeless kisses
Are feelings I can't shut out.
We can no longer dismiss this.
You say that you understand;
But you only want to rush me.
You don't have to hold my hands;
But I do want you to touch me.
Consider what it means
To venture far beyond your means
In search of what remains unseen:
Lands where true desire leans
Against these battered, fragile walls
Of a heart that surely lobbies
For much more than nightly calls;
But all that remains are bodies…
Like a bee to its hive
I've only seen divine eyes
That trapped my soul from within
to never win
with you
What could you possibly see
when you are looking past me
You hug to catch mugs from the free
and bow down to me in discreet
to only call me your Queen
show me more that meets the eye
than just a few words to make me shy
blush in rush for you to just be
You
Deceitful grins to contrary to belief
are simple griefs to you being bound
confined and enslaved within this love
Trickling with despair i dont know what this is
To you, sweet words remain hobbies
but according to my knowledge
all that is left are bodies..........
I never wanted to be a bigot.
I don't need five wives.
I'm familiar with this divot.
Thank God for nine lives.
Feline facets have proven essential
When placed alongside my masculinity.
I must be agile, quick and nimble.
It seems like a futile trinity.
You take your time in public;
But move ever so swift in secrecy.
The closest I've come to your subject
Is when light dims on our indecency;
But I'm a man, right?
We don't complain about frequency
Or how much affection is lost
When you don't visit frequently.
I just sit in the shade.
I just lay here alone
Until you need somewhere to fade
And you want to jump my bones.
No tears escape these eyes;
At least not in God's grace.
His sunlight won't acknowledge the smile
That I've etched across my face.
This has become our commonplace:
I have employed pretentious means
To shy away from feeling dirty
So you'll always think you're clean;
But our love is a disease
That was administered by me.
I doubt that it will ever recede.
It will likely claim our bodies……………
Written By: Evelyn Storm and Devin Joseph Metz
Thursday, 2 February 2012
That Word Special
I have a love/hate relationship with the word special.
- kids with special needs
- special-needs family
- Special Education
- Special Education teacher/classroom
- special ed bus
- Special Olympics
- special, special, special ... most of the time I want to say, but we're just an ordinary family! There is nothing special about us!
Kayla has a harder time with academics. She doesn't pick up on concepts as quickly or easily as most typical kids do. But when a typical child is falling behind in a subject what do they get? Extra help. They get extra help in reading, or math. So why does Kayla get special education? Why isn't what she getting just the same - extra help? She has needs, but why are they special needs? They are just needs. Extra needs sometimes. Additional needs/help.
She's not special or extraordinary because she has an extra (not special) chromosome. She's just a kid with +1 more chromosome. Does that make her special-special? Naw. It's just who she is.
And I don't fully buy into the concept that God only gives special children to special people/parents. Not at all.
God did not give Kayla to me because I was special. Because I wasn't. And I'm not. Seriously. I'm no more special a person than you or you or you. There was nothing I did in my pre-motherhood life that set me apart from anyone else. I'm average. Typical. I did nothing that would have showed God I was 'meant' to be a parent of a kid with special needs. I did nothing to show I was any more ready, deserving, capable, or equipped of having a child with Down syndrome than anyone else.
If God only gives these special kids to special parents, then what about the 90% of women who terminate their pregnancies upon finding out their baby has Down syndrome? If they were given this special child because they are a special person then why did they not carry their baby to term? Why in Eastern Europe are babies with Down syndrome who are born to those special parents immediately left at the hospital or orphanages? Aren't they special parents because they were given a special child?
I'm not special. I wasn't before I had Kayla and I most certainly am not after I gave birth to Kayla. On any (most) given day my parenting skills are certainly lacking in being a special parent.
I'm just a mom. A mom raising two kids.
For the most part we're a pretty typical family - mom, dad, daughter, son. That's it. Not a special family.
It's not even that it's a negative word. Just look at a few of the descriptions from Dictionary.com
I'm not advocating against using the term special needs. It's clearly not anything like using the R-word. I know it's an easy umbrella term to cover all people with disabilities or who have some kind of differing-need.
I'm just saying ... that I have this love/hate relationship with that word special. That's all.
- kids with special needs
- special-needs family
- Special Education
- Special Education teacher/classroom
- special ed bus
- Special Olympics
- special, special, special ... most of the time I want to say, but we're just an ordinary family! There is nothing special about us!
Kayla has a harder time with academics. She doesn't pick up on concepts as quickly or easily as most typical kids do. But when a typical child is falling behind in a subject what do they get? Extra help. They get extra help in reading, or math. So why does Kayla get special education? Why isn't what she getting just the same - extra help? She has needs, but why are they special needs? They are just needs. Extra needs sometimes. Additional needs/help.
She's not special or extraordinary because she has an extra (not special) chromosome. She's just a kid with +1 more chromosome. Does that make her special-special? Naw. It's just who she is.
And I don't fully buy into the concept that God only gives special children to special people/parents. Not at all.
God did not give Kayla to me because I was special. Because I wasn't. And I'm not. Seriously. I'm no more special a person than you or you or you. There was nothing I did in my pre-motherhood life that set me apart from anyone else. I'm average. Typical. I did nothing that would have showed God I was 'meant' to be a parent of a kid with special needs. I did nothing to show I was any more ready, deserving, capable, or equipped of having a child with Down syndrome than anyone else.
If God only gives these special kids to special parents, then what about the 90% of women who terminate their pregnancies upon finding out their baby has Down syndrome? If they were given this special child because they are a special person then why did they not carry their baby to term? Why in Eastern Europe are babies with Down syndrome who are born to those special parents immediately left at the hospital or orphanages? Aren't they special parents because they were given a special child?
I'm not special. I wasn't before I had Kayla and I most certainly am not after I gave birth to Kayla. On any (most) given day my parenting skills are certainly lacking in being a special parent.
I'm just a mom. A mom raising two kids.
For the most part we're a pretty typical family - mom, dad, daughter, son. That's it. Not a special family.
It's not even that it's a negative word. Just look at a few of the descriptions from Dictionary.com
1. of a distinct or particular kind or character: a special kind of key.
2.being a particular one; particular, individual, or certain: You'd better call the special number.
3.pertaining or peculiar to a particular person, thing, instance, etc.; distinctive; unique: the special features of a plan.
4.having a specific or particular function, purpose, etc.: a special messenger.
5. distinguished or different from what is ordinary or usual: a special occasion; to fix something special.
I'm not advocating against using the term special needs. It's clearly not anything like using the R-word. I know it's an easy umbrella term to cover all people with disabilities or who have some kind of differing-need.
I'm just saying ... that I have this love/hate relationship with that word special. That's all.