renouncing my sexism for seven thousand years

News: Joni Mitchell--on Blue at least--competes with Leonard Cohen's "vaulted" (whose banker? where is the miner's bow tie?) "lyrical territory" (I have thought a lot about what that means; now you can!) and defeats him.

Did this need its own blog post?

All your questions have been forwarded to the gypsy rain.

newsweek: 'just mail half of them put the other half in your bag: is bryan coffelt the best idea haver ever?'

Bryan Coffelt: oh
Bryan Coffelt: you'll get them in less than a month...
Bryan Coffelt: i'm sure they would be there in time
Bryan Coffelt: just mail half of them
Bryan Coffelt: put the other half in your bag
Me: yeah good idea
Me: i'm probably only going to bring a small green bag, but it will work
Bryan Coffelt: that will be $5.
Me: for the good idea
Me: your rates have gone up
Bryan Coffelt: yeah
Bryan Coffelt: yes
Bryan Coffelt: gas
Bryan Coffelt: through the roof.
Bryan Coffelt: sorry.
Me: hmm what if i don't pay you but i just make sure your idea gets out there to a large audience
Bryan Coffelt: fine

how did you sleep last night?

I have entered a legal war with Tao Lin.

My attorney suggests that I not refer to the origin of the war, but you can probably find it if you're not silly.

After this legal war is over, and I've won, I will own all of
Tao's assets--poodles, book royalties, a Brooklyn bedroom, his $$$ Asian identity--and he'll own a cup of water with lime in it.

Let's not call me ungenerous, no?

My attorney suggests I not talk about James Purdy.

love is out to get you / it's the makeup in your beard

Let's have some seasonal affection for my local writing friends and their fresh publications:

Ben Stein's Boyandquarter in SmokeLong.

Rachel B. Glaser's The Kid in elimae.

Christopher Cheney's poems in notnostrums.

I feel like there are more, but I can't remember. Maybe, later, I will add to this post.

LATER: Gabe Durham conquers the game of links.

"there is no team in fuck you"

Hilarious stuff from Christian Bök:



Favorite lines:

[see blog post title]
"did you know that no american has died of old age since 1951?!"
"the sanskrit word for war means 'a desire for more cows'"
"we eat cruel and unusual peppermint"
"when in rome? do as the ramones do!"

hours like sparrows

My story "The Peaches Are Cheap" has just gone up at Hobart. It originally appeared in Monday Night, a lovely journal out of the San Francisco Bay Area. Now other people in the world--in cities that start with San or don't--may read it. Or may not. Mayn't?

It's a sad story; the characters could solve their existential crises if they just fried their peaches in a caramel sauce. Losers.

maxim to writers with high yearly incomes

If you're going to be insufferable,
At least be entertaining. Cheers.

esoteric levinas snow poem about uncomfortable parties

WE'RE NOT FRIENDS YET

In case I need help,
are your hands free?

Hugs on bicycles, per-
mission: dance.

Is it swanky to ask
for your pocket too

soon? Terrific low
stakes hello whores.

We wanted smores.
There's no then what.

Chrome and milk chase
home the snowplows.

You didn't see that
coming, nor me as

well: now we're sure
friends. In concert.

five feet in one shoehorn

I have 5 poems in the new Concelebratory Shoehorn Review. Thank you, Maurice Oliver. Other people in the issue: Barry Ballard, Glenna Luschei (her poems: swell), C. L. Bledsoe (good poems here too), John Tranter (editor of Jacket), Maxim Popykin, Ashok Niyogi, Michelle Brooks (I like these too), Stolpersteine (not a person but a project by Gunter Demnig), Peter Ciccariello, Meshell Ndegeocello (a musician), and Sean Lause.

Sorry to privilege certain people with ()'s. That's not keeping in the holiday spirit. Jesus would throw a drink in my face.

JUDGING IF YOU WANT TO READ THESE POEMS BY PREVIOUS RESPONSES (BEING A MORE HONEST SUPPORTER OF LITERATURE):

Kasey Mohammad hated "Yosae This Frozen Skater" but liked "I Enjoy Things."

Bryan Coffelt liked an older version of "The Bedrock Tennis Brigade."

The state of Oklahoma enjoyed "Clay in Grandma Claire." I don't want to make anyone feel bad, but I officially renounce all of that poem except the last line.

Issac is a kid I knew one time whose name shows up in "What Do You Owe Your Zip Code?"

yes

Small Pale Humans by Daniel Spinks is good. Yep. Easy on eyes, too.